One of the scariest days of my life

So today was a scary day for us as parents. It started out like a normal day at our home. Vance came home from his midshift, everything seem fine. I wasn't feeling too well so he missed in morning class. Which I thank God that he did. Because our baby Aiden started having problems breathing. He was wheezing, and gasping for air. Vance saw him eat some lint and thought he had got it all. Well he then puked tons of mucus up. I mean tons, probably about 1/2 a cup of mucus. Again he started having a tough time breathing. So Vance rushed him to Evans Army Hospital. I stayed behind with the older 2. Since there was no time for me to get them dress. Aiden was really having trouble breathing.

Vance gets there, 3 people listen to his lungs and were worried about his breathing. Sent him to get an xray. Next thing they rush vance and aiden to memorial childrens trama center. The dr there does xray and informs Vance that our baby has something stuck in his esophagus. So straight to an O.R. they take Aiden. Vance stood with him til he was knocked out and had a breathing tube put in. The doctors were able to get in and get a metal screw with jagged edges out right before it got into his tummy. He was lucky a little longer and he would have needed major surgery to get it from his stomach. Man am I so thankful Vance missed class today, and I'm so thankful for the doctors working quick to get it out of Aiden. I was so scared the hour he was knocked out in the O.R. seemed like so freaking long. I was pacing on the phone with my mom worrying about my baby boy.

I was so happy to see my baby come home. I thought he would be crying or upset about everything today. Nope he sat next to me saying "mama" over and over playing with his toys. Gave him a nice warm bottle, bath and he went to bed. He has a sore throat and is on liquids for the next 3-4days. No solids. The doctor said he should be ok. I'm so thankful that he is ok. I hope nothing like this ever happens again. I cried so much worrying about him. I'm crying now thinking about it all.

Today truly was a scary day as a mom. I sat here vacuuming my house over and over. Thinking why didn't I see the screw. Did I not do a good enough job to keep my baby boy safe. Everyone says not to blame myself but I do. I feel like I failed him by not being there to stop him from swallowing it. 3 weeks shy of his first birthday and he had to have his first o.r. experience.

I don't know what else to say. I hope this day never happens again. *sighs*

Bring on the new year..

"Some people should be in your life the entire time and some should just make an appearence."

I think that will be my new motto to go by. It has a nice ring to it and is exactly I feel about some people. No more letting people walk all over me and only talk to me when it is convient to them. Now to tell those people I don't want nothing to do with them should be fun. But I really need to do something about it.

It's been awhile since I actually wrote a blog. Just life has been busy and I really don't have much time it seems anymore. I can't believe it's already a new year. Time seems to be flying by fast it seems.

Aiden will be 1 very soon. Which I'm excited about and yet a little sad. My baby is not a baby anymore. Usually it wouldn't bother me. But this time it does. Probably because I'm not sure if I want to try for a girl again or not. I mean still 50% chance we would have another boy. I don't know if I want to even give it a shot. Part of me is like come on this will be your girl, while the other is like time to close up the baby shop. Move on to the next chapter of life. I have no idea what to go with. So I guess for now I take time and think about it. I just really want a daughter so much. I always have and I hurt inside knowing that I might never have a daughter. I joke about maybe I'll luck out and get all granddaughters. But really, I want a little girl of my own. To have a mother/daughter relationship. It just sucks. Don't get me wrong I love my boys, but its not the same. Ugh why is it I get so emotional thinking about this. I tell myself I won't cry and yet I do. ugh I hate hormones.

We talked about adopting a little girl. I did reaserch on it, and as much as I would love to. I don't know where we would come up with the money to do it. Seriously. In less I know someone personally who is wanting to put their baby up for adoption I don't see it happening. *sighs* Maybe I should just give up on having a little girl. But it's all I think about it seems. Which drives me crazy. I love looking at baby girls stuff, even though I know it makes me sad inside. Maybe I'm just pathetic. Who knows.

On another note my sister is flying here to see me next month with my niece. Who I finally get to meet. I'm totally excited to spoil her and send her back to ga for my sis to deal with, hehe. Love you Jean! :)

The boys are all doing good. Bryce is almost done with his first year of school, and man he's learn so much. He LOVES school. All he talks about are his teachers and classmates. I think he'll be sad when the year comes to an end. Caleb is talking so much more and is actually making an effort to use the potty. Which you know I'm thrilled about. Since I'm ready for him to be out of pullups already. Aiden is almost walking now and loves screeching about everything. He's my little rollie pollie, lol.

Life seems pretty good at the moment. This year so far has started off pretty well. Except for having pnuemonia for awhile its been awesome. Well I'm going to get off here, try not to cry anymore about something I can't make happen. I guess I just needed to vent about it. Maybe one day I won't think about having a little girl all day...who knows?