I forgot to write in here after my apt. with my cardiologist. He has ordered a halter monitor, stress test and echocardiogram. I will be getting all that done when I get back from my trip to Texas is July. The one test I'm not looking forward to is the stress test. I really don't look forward to running on a treadmill til my chest pains hit. Does not sound like fun what so ever. I've done the halter test before when I was 12. Its not bad. Just 72 hrs of a monitor hooked to me at home. Pain in the ass to shower with but no biggie. He's doing an echocardiogram to check for any damage to my heart and for any possible murmors. Since I found out recently that I had one as a baby. So when I get back from Texas in July I will do all those and see what he says from there. He said he can not do anything to help til the tests are done.
I have been feeling so much better this last week. I recently cut my dad out of my life. I blocked him from any contact over the internet and stopped picking up his calls. Thinking about blocking his number. It's nice when you get such a negative person out of your life. He was always bitching at me about my sister and that was annoying. Plus he would lied about everything. Always trying to make me hate my mom or put her down. I warned him telling him I was tired of him taking crap out on me about my sister. She's 20 and is an adult. So why does he see the need to bitch at me about her not wanting anything to do to him. Maybe he should have never hit her. Maybe then she might talk to you.Maybe you should let her live her life and not put her down or lie about crap to her. Or how about not abusing your power as a cop to try and find where she lives. As for me I don't like him for so many things I try to forget over the years. Like I didn't appreciate being called a whore growing up when I was a virgin and never did anything to deserve that. I hated being slapped. You know how little it makes you feel when your father slaps you calling you a whore for no freaking reason. Makes you feel pretty fucking tiny. Oh my fave. recent one. I said I was having a bad day, and he assumes I'm fucking depressed like I was at 14-16 and that I'll cut again. I was depressed because I was molested, abused when I was 8 and was ashamed of myself. I blamed myself and had issues getting past it. Thats why I was like that. Not like you really cared. You were to busy worrying about your girlfriend. God how many young girlfriends have you gone thru. Always impressing them and putting us on the back burner. You say you wanted us to appreciate you for more then just money. Well ugh most my life I remember you giving us money to make up for being to busy to see us. I don't know how many times mom had to tell me that you weren't showing again to see us because you were to busy with your young girlfriends. Oh and how you would buy us stuff so you wouldn't feel bad. I don't appreciate being lecture on how I should be in my marriage. He would always compare me and Vance marriage to my mom and his. Always saying oh after 3 kids are marriage was ruined, how I need to be a freaking stepford wife to please my husband. Ugh no, my husband is completly happy with me because I'm who I am. Thats just a few of the reasons I no longer want to talk to my dad ever.Sorry that kind of turn into a little vent session. So yea after cutting him out I feel sooooo much better. More then I ever have.
I'm so excited to go to texas tuesday morning. Just get away see family and friends from when I was in school again. I miss all of them. I look forward to going away for 4 days with Vance to San Antonio without the boys. We have not been alone in forever. This will be my first time away from them. Only other time I was away that long was because I was having a baby. So yes very much looking forward to it. Getting some alone time with hubby.
Looking forward to having family help me with the boys. Its so nice when they are bugging their granny, mema or grandma and letting mommy have some quiet time. Bryce is really pumped and can not wait to leave tuesday. Not really looking forward to the 13hr drive hoping for a smooth drive. Hoping all 3 boys aren't to fussy. Going to let them out as much as possible to stretch.
Well I need to get off here and get little Aiden to sleep. Just finish my reese's pieces and about to take some tylenol pm to help sleep when he goes to bed. I'm turning into a vampire. I sleep more during then the day and up all night with my baby boy.
