Thoughts of Cassandra Marie

Journey to the new me

2012-01-10T12:41:00.002-07:00

I finally had my wake up call. I'm tired of looking in the mirror and being disappointed in what I see. I realize I could keep letting it get to me or change it. So starting today, I will start my journey to a new healthier me. I'm sure it's not going to be easy and I'll probably have the urge to quit at times. My goal is 50 pounds by my birthday in August. Anything's possible if you put your mind to it, right? So my mind is set on being 50 pounds lighter.

I'm going to try not to get discourage by checking the scale every morning. Last time I did this I would get bummed if the scale wasn't down a pound. Which would make me want to lay around and veg out. This time I'm going to only weigh myself once a week. Starting this Friday morning I will start my weekly weigh in. I will also chart and share my progress. Why Friday? Well because we just moved from CT to WA and I can not find my scale. In less I find it before Thursday then I will be replacing it.

I'm off to do my first workout in 18 months. Hopefully I can make it through the whole thing with out passing out, lol.

Preparing for change..

2011-09-14T07:52:00.003-06:00

Everyone tells me they don't know how I do it so well with Vance being gone so much. All I can say is I just try to suck it up. I've done this for 9 years now. Trust me it does not getting easier. I wish I could say that each deployment gets easier or that it's a piece of cake. But it's not. I cry at times. I get so lonely at night when he's gone. I worry about him all the time. I HATE when I don't hear from him for weeks. I think that's the part that drives me crazy the most. I never knew how much a short email saying I love you could mean so much but it does. I call his cell phone to listen to his voice again. I have cried before in our closet smelling his shirts. I sound pretty pathetic right now, huh? I appear to be so strong on the outside but in the inside I'm crumbling. I know there is going to be days where I'm probably going to want to lay in bed and eat a whole tub of cookie dough ice cream because I miss him so much. Yes, I am guilty of doing this in the past. Can you blame me though? At times I wish we had family that lived closer so that I had that family support to lean on. I wish I could call family and ask for help or a break for the weekend. I wish I could send the kids to a grandparents house for the night so I could breath and have mommy time. But everyone is in Texas. Sadly, I don't think any of them can come to Washington and see me.

We're moving to Washington sometime in November or December before Christmas. Part of me is excited to get there and check it out. Part of me is dreading the move. Lets face it -- 5 days in a car with 4 kids isn't the funniest thing to do. I'm glad my little brother Craig is most likely going to fly out here and help us drive both cars there. It makes it easier having 3 adults taking on 4 kids. Especially with filling cars and bathroom breaks. I'm hoping for a smooth move this time around. My dream move would be to beat the movers so that I can have my stuff as soon as they get there. I don't want to stay in Navy lodge longer then I have to.

Vance isn't reporting to a boat right away. I get 6 more months with him before he starts deployments again. He has to do more schooling before he can leave. Which will help get the kids use to the new area. Bryce & Caleb seem pretty excited about the move. I think they have become use to the long road trips from station to station. Which in a way makes it easier. Aiden & Dylan on the other hand get pissy after so many hours in the car. Which at times can make the drive seem like it's never going to end.

I'm more so nervous about life once Vance is deployed. Last time I did a deployment we only had two kids. Now we have four. I'm trying to think of things I can do to help them not miss their daddy so much. I'm going to get them each a daddy doll I saw online. Plus thinking of having Vance record his voice in some stories. One for each kid. Since bedtime stories are usually daddy time with the boys. I'm trying to think of other ways to keep them happy. Feel free to comment with any ideas on how to make deployments easier on them. I'm all ears.

My biggest fear right now is handling this ppd. I am still seeing my therapist who I love. She is so supportive and caring. I'm going to miss our sessions when I move. I finally was able to switch to a pill that helps with my anxiety. We'll see in a month if there is any real difference. My goal is to eventually get past ppd and not need any pills at all. But with going back to deployments I think I'll always need some for my anxiety attacks. I get pretty overwhelmed on bad days. I'm most likely going to be a hot mess when Vance is deployed. So be warn my blog might seem super gloomy and depressing at times. Not all the time but I'm sure I'll have my days of venting.

Again if anyone has any suggestions on how to make the next few years of deployments easier for myself or my kids let me know. Seriously, I'm up for any suggestions. Sorry for the depressing entries lately. I can't have a lot on my mind and can't seem to post anything fun or exciting worth sharing at the moment. I ran across this quote and it's exactly how I feel at times.

"I remember when I used to be the happiest,
loudest, spunkiest person alive. Nothing
could get me down for very long. I smiled
all the time and laughed nonstop. I still see
glimpses of that girl sometimes, but not much.
I miss her."

My first grader, therapy, birthday rambles..

2011-09-07T11:41:00.004-06:00

I can't believe I have a first grader now! It doesn't seem like it's been that long since I brought him home from the hospital. Or when I would watch him crawl around the living room chasing daddy and laughing at his rattles. Now it's all about school, friends, and moving out one day. His first day went very well. He was thrilled to see that half his old class was with him this year. Including his crush from last year. Yes, he's only 6 and talks about how pretty this one girl is. How nice and funny she is. Bring on the teen years, lol. Only person missing was his best buddy but they have recess together to play. He was excited to come home and tell me how when everyone else couldn't figure out the math problems he could. He even was able to show the class how to solve them. My little geek. Takes after my geek charming hubby, lol. Today he has science and was pumped to roll out of the bed to get ready to go. Kept asking if we could go yet, lol. I'm sure I'll hear all about it when he gets home. I love my little school nerd.

Caleb will hopefully be in school next week. Hurricane Irene seems to have the school starting classes late. I'm looking forward to have Bryce & Caleb out of the house during the day. Though with just Bryce being gone my day seems lighter. Caleb seems to do better when Bryce is not home with him. It's like he's lost his partner in crime so why bother. Not that I'm complaining. They all go down for naps with no fights. I'll admit I have been taking a mommy nap when they sleep. Makes up for all the times I'm woken up at night. Plus it's refreshing to rest for an hour or 2.

Therapy is going pretty well. Still figuring new things out and processing old. The more I go the more I question people in my life. Which usually I would feel bad for wanting to cut ties but now I don't care to try and have a relationship with them. Hell I don't feel like I need to please everyone like I use to. I'm just going to go on living my life with my little family. If for some reason certain people get cut out a long the way, I'm fine with it.

Finally able to get through to my doctor about changing medicine finally. I go in tomorrow to switch pills and add an anxiety med to my prescription. Hopefully I start noticing a difference in no time. I hate having to remember to take a pill every day. So far I have been able to get up in the morning and take it before I start my day.

My birthday came a few weeks ago. For once I didn't care if someone didn't bother to call and say anything. Or anything. I'll remember when yours comes this way. The people that truly care all called or emailed to wish my a special day. In which I thank them for. Birthdays have never really been my thing. Usually nothing seems to go the way I like. Something usually happens to ruin the day and I end up crying my eyes out. Been like this since I was a kid. To me it's just another day. Just a reminder that I'm another year older. Big deal. I did enjoy the cake that my husband attempted to make me. It was his first cake to bake me. He worked so hard to make sure it was perfect. Every time he made a mistake and I said anything he would hurry and fix it, lol. In the end I was happy it was edible and the house was still standing, lol. I'm just kidding. I love you babe.

As much as I could continue to ramble on I'm going to stop. Probably post again later. Just to vent some anxiety I'm feeling with the move coming up and preparing for deployment again. I'm nervous I'm going to be a hot mess when hubs leaves.

Managing PPD & life

2011-08-11T12:53:00.005-06:00

It's been about 6 weeks since I started being treated for post partum depression. Honestly I wish it was something that could be fixed overnight. I've been on medicine for 6 weeks and have not seen any real change. Started on 25 mg, then boost to 50 and now 100 the last 2 weeks. Nothing. I'm suppose to go back when I start running low again. Maybe they can give me something else to try. I honestly think that I need some anxiety medicine on top of the depression medicine. If you don't know what it's like it's hell. I'll give you an example of what I deal with. One night after barely any "me" time and just lack of sleep. I found myself going off on my husband. Dylan had been crying for days. He's teething and has horrible acid reflux. I found myself stressed out from the house not being perfect. I have seem to develop ocd with this. As it's common in post partum depression. Dylan started crying again. My husband who had kept reminding me that or son was crying yet again for the millionth time. I finally snap and the flood gates open. I just started yelling at him. How all he ever says is "Babe he's crying, babe he's crying, babe he's crying!" and that I had it. How I hadn't sat down all fucking day and that I can't take it anymore. I'm not super mommy. I'm never going to be perfect ever. He took Dylan and try to calm him as I found myself rocking on the couch crying my eyes out for a good hour. The whole time I kept asking myself, "Will I ever be normal again?". It scared me. I hate this feeling. I hate it so much. I'm trying so hard to figure out how to fight this but most days I find myself wanting to call it quits.

I am super overwhelmed with daily tasks lately. Between the lack of sleep at night, kids are home all day driving me crazy on summer vacation and just lack of any free mommy time it seems. I'm hoping when school starts August 31 it will get easier. Bryce is enrolled for first grade I need to take Caleb up to enrollment for pre-k. Just don't seem to have time to get around to it. Vance has the car at work all day and it's just too hectic to take all 4 boys. Plus Dylan's acid reflux is driving me crazy. Zantac is doing NOTHING for it. The last few days have been hell for me. He screams all day long and spits up tons of food when he finishes. Or just can't eat without screaming from the pain. His doctor wants to try and ride it out til his check-up and then we'll go over more options for him. Maybe even doing some more testing to see if everything is developing. Hopefully I get some answers soon.

I'm in the middle of trying to change the kids eating habit at the moment. It's getting better. Less junk food more fruits and veggies. I'm trying to work on a menu for the next pay period. But it seems like I never have the time to sit and work on it. Right now I'm rocking Dylan as I type hoping he'll take a nap. If I can just get this menu done today for grocery shopping tomorrow I would be satisfied with my day.

Only have 2 hours left til I need to leave for weekly therapy session. Actually this will be my second session this week since my therapist is taking a week off. Therapy has been pretty helpful. We talk about everything. Stuff I haven't thought about in months and things that make me question the way I look at people in my life. She makes some very good points about how I've looked at life and the fact that some people I shouldn't feel the need to "be" there for. I have always been a people pleaser. Always trying to please everyone but not myself. Family members mostly. Some friends. Not going to list names on here. I'm still processing it all and just trying to figure out who has really been there and resolve some issues I didn't realize I have from my past. If you know me then you know about my not so great childhood. Let's say I've been through a lot more then some people have. Do I let it define me --no! But I do know that I've never showed anger or my true feeling to people that could have been there and weren't. Or anger to the ones who did do stuff. Instead I've always tried to bottle it up or make excuses on why it's pointless to talk about it. I do realize that because of everything I went through as a child and stuff my husband went through has made it hard to trust anyone with my kids. My therapist says I have good reason to be so overprotected. In fact she supports me on it. I will continue to be protective on my boys in til I feel like I don't have reasons too. If your finding this offensive then most likely you have given me a reason why I should be around you. Or why my husband feels the need to have them not around you much.

I hate that we're both grown and our families continue to think we're dumb when it comes to the things they are doing. We know EXACTLY what you all have been doing and saying. We're not stupid. Our kids are not stupid. They are very educated so that they NEVER have to go through the shit we went through as kids. I'm proud of that. My 4 & 6 year old knows what "evils" are out there in the real world and how they cause people pain and tear families apart. They know what to do if someone ever tries to do anything to them or offer them anything. As long as I'm alive they will not go through any crap we went through. Mark my words and if one fucking person attempts to try anything with my kids or offer them anything I will tear them a new one. I'll be damned if anyone does anything to my boys. Test me if you don't think I will. Go ahead try.

I would love to say thank you to my husband. Thank you for dealing with my ups & downs of post partum depression. Thank you for all the times you've listen to me cry and just for being supportive every day. I'm so thankful to have you in my life. I love you so much babe.

Vance - I never thought in a million years that I would find someone
so amazing and completely perfect; someone that would
make me happier than I ever dreamed; someone that would
give me a whole new reason to breathe. I love you. <3

Baby Blues

2011-06-27T18:33:00.004-06:00

Finally went to the doctor and had a long talk with her. Finally explained how I've been feeling lately. How I have tons of anxiety around people. How I cry a lot lately, not sleeping much, stressed like no tomorrow and just down all the time. The kids drive me crazy at times. I feel like I don't have enough time, energy, hands, etc. Better explanation I feel like a hamster running around in a cage. Turns out I just have postpartum depression. I had a feeling I had it. But didn't want to admit it to myself. I didn't want to be put on pills or anything like that. I was on pills when I was a teenager and told myself I would never need them ever again. I find myself going down this path and I can't seem to get myself out of it. I cry way more then I need too. I don't even bother getting dress nor do I want to go out really. I'm tired of being stressed out all the time. I find myself laying awake in bed just looking at the ceiling hating life. I'm overwhelm when dealing with all the kids at once. Which makes me nervous when Vance deploys. I'm going to be a hot mess most likely. I miss my family all the time. Maybe seeing this therapist will help. God I hope it does. I hate myself at the moment and just want to be the happy cheerful me. *sighs* I wish I had someone who can relate to this. Vance tries to understand but I don't think he fully gets it. I don't think anyone really does. The way I feel scares me at times. I hate this feeling.

I'm sorry if I've been distant. I'm sorry if I've let anyone down. I'm trying to figure myself out at the moment. I'm trying to be strong and do it on my own. But failing miserably..

My doctor also took some blood work and other labs. She is running tests on my thyroid and making sure the preclampsia from all 4 kids hasn't effected my heart. Plus she is also checking on my kidneys to see if they've bounce back. Hopefully everything is normal. Why can't lab results come back asap and not take almost a week to get back. I hate waiting on labs. I'm way to impatient.

Stress (venting)

2011-06-04T08:57:00.003-06:00

Heh, I haven't been on this blog in a very long time. I almost forgot about it. Life the last few months haven't been the easiest and it doesn't look like it's getting that way anytime soon. If their are any spelling or grammar errors in this then I'm sorry. It's hard to see what your typing when all you can do is cry. I can't make the crying stop. I'm sitting in my bed with room door closed wishes the I could freeze time and just be left alone just for a day or something.

I guess the stress started when they messed up Vance's pay by giving us two re-enlistment bonuses back in Feb. I was smart and put the mess up in savings since with the military you never know how they will handle their own fuck ups. Of course they stopped Vance's paychecks for 3 months. So we had to live off that to make it til we paid it all back. Plus remind you I was having lots of health issues with my pregnancy. Plus we were coming on our due date which added more stress. To add more to that our apartment in Colorado told us we had to move 3 weeks prior to our actually date to move to CT. So we had to move all of our shit to storage and live in a hotel from April 12 til May 2. I'm sure you can imagine how much it was to eat out and pay a hotel for that long. OH and the hotel didn't allow pets so I had to board our husky in a kennel for that time to. So add another 487 just to board her. Then moving day came and it took us 3 long days to get to ct. Gas is at it's highest. Every time Vance had to fill his car the pump would cut him off at 90 which didn't fill his tank. We had to get hotels on the way and sleep 6 hours so the kids/baby could get out of the car. We get here and the mover had put our shit in the warehouse which couldn't be delivered for 6 more days. Another hotel stay at Navy Lodge. Which was more money at this point. Our dog tore the hotel room to hell in one hour of leaving her alone in the room. So we still owe Navy lodge 400 I think the lady said. Not sure they are still repairing the flooring. God I was so embarrassed and I think I told them sorry more times then they care to hear. At that point I just wanted to throw my hands up and quit. Because I had hit my breaking point and didn't know what else to do. By the time we moved into our home in CT. We had ran out of money completely. I had to make our account negative to get some food for the month so we could eat. I didn't know it would be another month til we saw a check. We thought 2 weeks. Just 2 weeks, we can do this. Payday came and left no money in our account. The stress got more overwhelming. We had to borrow some money and pawn some stuff to scrape up enough to get a little more food. Which wasn't enough so I had began to skip meals so that my kids could eat. Because I rather starve then not be able to feed my kids. Vance had to go talk to several people to get his paycheck back. Which it should have already came back since we paid them everything back already. But no make us wait and suffer another 2 weeks..assholes. Pay day finally hits and I'm thinking yes we'll be fine now. WRONG. Our old complex decided to debit our account 738. Very unsuspecting. So now we are in the negative big time. They claim they will refund it but won't fax our bank so that they can correct it right away. No so our account is getting overdraft fees and every other fucking fee because of this bullshit. So now I'm shaking, throwing up and have chest pain from more stress. By the time they refund it which the bank says can take 10 days we will have tons of overdraft fees to pay. Because oh yea the bank still wants the fees from this bullshit. Can I just die now? Because I don't know how much more stress I can take. I wish we get some good news like the check would come in for our traveling/hotel fees. Anything. At this point I just want to give up and crawl in a ball crying. Funny I already can't stop crying. The kids luckily don't have no idea what's going on. So it's not really effecting them. But it's causing Vance and I to fight at times. I don't want to fight I don't want any of this. I just want everything to be fine again. I want to not stress about money or any more about this fucking awful move. I just want to be left alone from the outside world. My neighbors probably don't know what to think of us. I can't do any big social thing with them because I have no money too. But I also don't want to tell them what's going on because I don't know them well enough. Can we please just fast forward the weeks til all this shit is fucking fixed already!?! I haven't gotten my monthly friend from all the stress, I'm throwing up, I'm getting chest pains, I can't stop crying now. I just want this all go away already. I'm tired of pretending like our lives are fine. When really it fucking sucks right now.

I'm going to finish this vent so I can blow my nose and clean myself up. I'm covered in tears and I don't want my kids asking what's wrong when I leave my bedroom in a minute. Plus I don't want Vance to worry. *sighs*

Military Wife Rules -- Love This!

2010-09-28T12:47:00.003-06:00

I came across this and it made me laugh. Every one of them is so true when your married to the military. Through the last 8 years I have come to realize all this. I just had to post and share it with everyone.

1. Don't count on anything!

2.Be careful who you listen to. Most of your civilian friends will give you negative remarks, which will make things harder for you to deal with.

3. When he becomes stubborn and a royal pain in the butt, just remind yourself he's probably had a bad day, and being away from you is hard on him too. So just let him rant and don’t take it personal.

4. When you’re down, treat yourself.

5. Learn how to listen if you don’t know how! He will need you, you will be the one he comes to when he needs to complain, but don’t complain back...that is what military wives/fiances/gf's for! This is a hard time for our men and they NEED us much more than sometimes they think they do!

6. Love your military member, be truthful, and reassure him, even if he is deployed he'll have someone to come back too!

7. He will try to pull away at some point. Whether directly telling you to move on, not wait for him or just becoming distant. It's a way they try of dealing, stick with him cause he really does want (and need) you there.

8. When he is away for a long time, or even just a couple hours away, write a lot of letters! Communication is key to a relationship.

9.SOME of his friends will probably be morons - expect this

10. You aren’t the only woman in his life (his mom misses and loves him too!) so make sure she is updated on what is going on with him.

11. He needs to feel important so don't hold back on the compliments - remind him how proud you are of what he does.

12. Chances are they won't call when they say they will (that especially applies for deployed!).

13. Don't buy that nonrefundable airplane ticket too early.

14. When eating with a military member you either finish your "chow" in 15 minutes or less or be stared at until you are finished.

15. Never take one single minute with them for granted. Live each day with them like it’s the last one you'll have for a while, because with the military, it just might be!

16. Take lots of pictures, so you can remember what each other looks like!

17. Don't even TRY to compare your military member to ordinary men. You can no longer complain about broken plans, that phone call you were supposed to get but didn't, missed birthdays and anniversaries, his snoring (hey, at least he's sleeping BESIDE you), spending more time with "the boys" than you, etc., etc., etc...

18. Always look on the bright side of things. How many of your gal-pals get their first encounter, first date, first kiss from their men over and over again?

19. Gotta be able to keep up with your man. We give our military man a whole new meaning of PT =)

20. Even if he says he will, he probably won't. Maybe really means probably not OR probably not when he said he would (example: "I might be able to call you tomorrow" but he can't find the time to call until a week later or "I might be able to come home next month for a week"...that might turn into 2 weeks)

21. Being a military girlfriend/fiancé can be one of the toughest jobs. You have to deal with stress similar as the wives, without the promise of forever or the benefits and support they get.

22. We find ourselves using military lingo. "I'm gonna go get my room squared away", "It's chow time", or using military time

23. Patience is the biggest key to making the relationship work...you have to wait a lot but in the end, waiting is what made it all worthwhile♥

E.R. Visit & Kids

2010-09-15T22:56:00.002-06:00

I feel like a hermit crab lately. Been mostly stuck in the house lately. Between everyone having a bug not too long ago plus my trip to the E.R. The last few days I have been having horrible headaches that have had me dizzy, nausea, sensitive to light, etc. All weekend I was in bed sleeping on and off. Well Monday I was home alone with the younger boys when I fainted. I remember talking to my middle son Caleb and the next waking up on the floor wondering what happen. Called Vance at work scared and confused on what to think. He was able to get off early and come home. Went to the E.R. to get checked out and make sure both baby & myself was fine. They ended up doing a cat scan since the doctor wanted to rule out brain aneurysm. So I did the cat scan and everything came back fine. He did say that if the headaches get any worse that he wants me to have a spinal tap. That it's the only way to 100% rule out brain aneurysm. But the cat scan showed nothing of concern. The thought of a spinal tap freaks me out and I hope I don't have to get one. For the most part the headaches have lighten up.

The kids are doing great as usual. Bryce is doing a lot better in school. Mrs. Mannino says Bryce has improved 100%. He has became a teachers pet and pays attention more in class. His hand writing has improved so much lately. He use to never put effort in it. Now he can sit and do home work and practice for hours without getting frustrated. He loves coming home and telling me all about his day. He wakes up every morning at 7 ready to start his day with a big smile on his face. I love that he's not struggling anymore and that he can actually enjoy school now.

Caleb is doing good in head start. He's become a little flirt and hangs out mostly with all the girls in his class. His teacher says he loves to cuddle at story time and is always telling her how beautiful she is. I love how at this age their little sweethearts. He loves wood working. It's his favorite center to play in during their free time. He loves to use his imagination and build things.

Aiden is keeping me on my toes. I thought having 2 in school would make my day easier. Ha, nope! Aiden can be a handful now that his brothers are gone. He just thinks he runs the house constantly finding things to get into. Then he gives me this cheesy grin when he knows he isn't suppose to be in something. It's hard not to laugh at times.

Other then that nothing new is going on here. Same day to day routines. Waiting for October 1st to get here to find out the sex of our little nugget. This will defiantly be our last baby. Vance see's his doctor later this month for a vasectomy. Out little family is officially complete. I'm looking forward to moving on to the next chapter of our lives.

Is it April yet!?

2010-09-04T20:28:00.002-06:00

I'm ready for April 28 to get here. That is officially move to Georgia day! I'm ready to move out of this apartment complex. It's one big headache living here. They have a new manager every few months. No one listens to the rules. Some neighbors are just flat out odd. I mean chest bumping doors to see what ya have. Or fighting and cursing where small kids play. That's just not cool. My kids don't need to hear that. I won't let the boys swim in the pool. To many people getting drunk and starting fights by it. Plus I've seen some people having sex in it and everything else when the office is closed. Now don't get me wrong we have some awesome neighbors who we love! But everyone has either moved or is thinking about moving soon. Which sucks because we have/will miss everyone. I know the kids have/will. :(

They charge way to much for utility's in the last few months. When we first moved here they only charged 70 for utility's on a bad month. Lately it's been around 300. Well Vance found out from the new manager that the old one was fired because she was stealing the money that she was over charging for utility's. But they don't have enough to press charges. Not sure what to think about all of that. I'll wait to see my next bill. If the utility's go down I might just believe them. Til then I'm skeptical..

Personally I'm ready for us to move back in a house. I can't wait to have our own home again. A backyard for the kids and dogs to play. Plus a mortgage would be way cheaper for what we pay now and we would have twice the amount of space. With 4 kids we're going to need lots of space. Plus I'm ready to settle down in our dream home and just retire there. I love the area in Georgia where we are moving to. Low crime rate, nice family neighborhood, etc.

The kids are doing better. Bryce has made some improvements in class this week. So I'm happy that he is doing better in school and seems to enjoy it more now. Caleb loves his class. He is friends with all the girls. I think it's cute when they all hug him and tell him how sweet he is. He's my little heart breaker, lol. Aiden is feeling so much better now. I took him to the E.R. last monday for a 103 fever I could not break. Turned out he had horrible infections in both ears. One ear drum even bust while waiting to see a doctor there. Plus he has 6 teeth cutting. So his week has been crappy. They gave him some much needed antibiotics and tylenol codone for the pain. He is done with the antibiotics Monday. And doesn't need the tylenol codone anymore. Seems to be fine with just plain motrin. So I'm glad my peanut is back to his happy self for the most part.

Pregnancy is going good. I see my doctor again on the September 15 then the 16 for down syndrome ultrasound and blood work. We find out the baby sex on October 1st at 10am. Found a place who could tell me what baby is at 14 weeks. October 1st marks 14 weeks for me. Eek we're very excited to see what baby is. Vance and the older boys are convinced this will be a sissy. I am too. We shall see. I just want a fat healthy little nugget and I'll be happy. I'm going for the VBAC even if I end up going late. I will have my VBAC. I'm not forcing this nugget out before she/he is ready to make their arrival into the world. And my doctor seems to be all aboard with me on this.

Well I'm off here, going to get some sleep. The boys are passed out for the night.

Learning Disabilitys

2010-08-25T15:48:00.002-06:00

My oldest son Bryce has a learning disability. Which has him behind when it comes to other kids his age. Back in April we were told he couldn't hear out of his left ear. He went to an E.N.T. who did a few test on his ears and even did a deep wax cleaning to see if it would help. Well after the cleaning he was able to see Bryce's ear drums are in need of surgery to repair the damage. He said Bryce a moderate hearing loss in his right ear and severe hearing loss in his left ear. Will now lately Bryce has told me "mommy I can't hear out this (left) ear at all." He is schedule to see an specialist in Denver on the first who will be doing the surgery on his ears to help bring his hearing back and repair his ear drums.

Bryce has been in school since August 10. They wait til TODAY to call me and tell me my son is not listening. That he does completely fine only when a teacher sits right in his ear. That they have moved him three times and he is not keeping up with the other kids. What annoys me is. When I ask if they looked at his paper the lady got quiet. Said "oh I didn't think his hearing was that bad." I'm glad they called me. They were wanting to make him skip P.E. and Recess in til he was able to sit in his chair and pay full attention. Will that would have done completely nothing. I had to explain to them that it doesn't matter where they put my child. If his teacher walks away to the other side and talks he can not hear. So this lead into a 30 minute phone conference of me basically repeating when they should have known from his folder. That he needs more attention then other children and will need to be spoken directly to understand when she wants him to do.

What annoys me is that instead of calling me sooner. They wait til they had removed him out of his class and wanted to punish him for something he can't help. If they would have checked his folder they would have understood better what he was going through. Or even called me sooner. She even suggest that he had a.d.d in til I corrected her about his hearing problems. Ugh, I was fuming and trying to keep my temper under control. Yea let's blame it on a.d.d. I hate that school just assume your kid needs meds instead of trying to understand what he is going through. I hope the school year gets easier. They said they would work on it with him. Now that they understood better. I told them I would keep them updated from his doctor apt. and surgery. He most likely will need a hearing aid after surgery to help him. Hopefully Bryce will be able to focus and understand the assignments better.

Now I'm sitting here waiting for his actual teacher to call me like I requested. So that I may help her understand better on what he needs to learn. I'm looking up ways myself to help him focus and learn around the house.

What to pick?

2010-08-18T20:49:00.003-06:00

Baby is doing good. Nice strong heartbeat. I didn't get to listen to it but saw it on the ultrasound screen. They change my due date to March 31. So that puts me at 8 weeks tomorrow not 9 weeks. Which is fine as long as baby is healthy and growing.

He gave me some options for the delivery. I'm not sure what to pick. Told me to go home and think about it that it doesn't have to made right off the bat. I have a few months to decide. I mean baby won't be here til the end of March so plenty of time. I could go for a schedule c-section. Which mean March 24 baby will be here. Or I could try to go naturally. He says I can't really be induced but if I could get 2-3 cm on my own he would break my water and get it going for me. And the last choice is schedule c-section for 39 weeks. And if I don't have baby naturally by then we will go ahead with it.

I'm really not sure what I want to do at the moment. I really want a v-bac it is so much easier to heal from. But he had to scare me with thoughts of uterine rupture. He said it only happens in 1% which isn't such a high risk. But I guess the thought freaks me out. But the thought of being cut open scares me a lot more. I don't want to feel them cut me open and I'm scared the spinal tap won't take. I don't know what to do. What should I do? I guess all I can do is think it over for awhile.

I have read so many success stories on having a v-bac and I want to be one of those. I want to enjoy having my baby. Not feel like it was ripped out of me. Does that make sense? I read this qoute that describes c-sections. "If babies were meant to enter the world through our belly buttons our vagina's would be there." I think c-sections are now being use a convenience and not what it's meant for. At this rate in no time all women will be giving birth through c-sections. Which is sad because a vaginal birth is so much better. And you feel so much more connected to your baby. At least for me that's how I feel.

If anyone has any advice or opinions please leave me a comment.

I have the best hubby

2010-08-15T21:11:00.003-06:00

Saturday night was hubs first day off since our 6 year wedding anniversary. He had to work on the actual day and I felt like I was dying of morning sickness. Back to the point. He had the dining table set up with champagne glasses and brought home Olive Garden. (My fave!) Set the food on our dishes made a nice romantic atmosphere and we had a nice evening together. The boys were passed out for the night. So we got to eat a nice dinner and spend time together. I love how he had sparkling apple cider in the champagne glasses since I'm pregnant and can not drink. It was one of the best anniversary's ever. I love that we were able to spend time together without the boys. You can still have a romantic date without actually going out or worrying about finding a baby sitter who can handle 3 very energetic little boys.

Thank you for the wonderful evening sweetie. I love you forever & always!

Pregnancy and kids

2010-08-15T20:03:00.002-06:00

Woohoo a few more days and I can see my little nugget. Have my ultrasound on Wednesday and will finally see the little nugget. Which makes it all real. Right now I'm like yea the stick says I'm pregnant but we'll see, lol. I will be 9 weeks on Thursday. Most likely will have a c-section around 38 weeks. So I have 29 more weeks left in til we meet the little nugget. I think it will finally be a girl. I have this feeling I will have my girl finally. I really hope so. But if it's another boy I will be just as happy. Just want a healthy baby in the end.

Now to vent a little. At the moment I'm a little disappointed in myself today. I've gained 6 lbs in the last few weeks. God why is it so easy to gain weight but not as easy to lose it? I'm freaking going to start working out in the morning again while the kids play. I don't want to gain all the weight back that I lost. Defiantly want to bounce back from this baby in no time.

The kids are doing good. Aiden is getting 4 back teeth in at the moment. So sleep has been rare lately. I'm so tired all the time. I'm taking a unisom tonight and getting some sleep. Vance is gonna take care of him. Caleb meets his teacher Wednesday and then school starts soon after. Two kids in school this year. I'm not sure what to do with the time. Bryce is doing fine in school and he loves his friends. He looks forward to school every morning and thinks it's cool. He calls the cafeteria the cafe. How it's so awesome to eat there. I'm glad that he is loving school.

Bryce has surgery next month on his ears to try and help him hear out of his left ear. Hoping everything goes well. The worse thing possible is he'll get a hearing aid. Which is no biggie and I think he'll do fine. I just want him to be able to hear better.

I'm going to get off here and take my sleeping pill. Though I don't even think I will need it really.

My baby is all grown up!

2010-08-13T20:30:00.006-06:00

So this was Bryce's first week of kindergarten. Kindergarten! I still can't believe it. It seems like yesterday he was my little 7lb baby who would pee on me every chance he got. Now he's doing everything it seems like on his own. He never really seems to need my help anymore nor does he want it. The first day of kindergarten was bitter sweet. I was happy to be one kid less but also sad that he wasn't around at all. I kept calling for him then I would have to stop and remember he was at school for the day. I'm so proud of my little man just wish he wasn't growing up so fast.

He loves his teacher though. Tells me all the time how sweet and pretty she is. How she let him be her class helper and put him in the front row so he could hear better. I love how he calls the cafeteria a cafe. Or how cool the gym is to run and shoot hoops in. I'm really happy that he loves school and is making new friends. He's all grown up now. :(

Now for a few pictures from meet the teacher night and the morning of his first day.

8 years

2010-08-13T20:02:00.008-06:00

I can't believe this month marks 8 years for me & hubs. I'm so happy you came into my life 8 years ago. You are a wonderful husband and an awesome father to our boys. I am so bless to have you in my life and look forward to spending the rest of my life with you. Even when your wearing a diaper and eating jello, lol. I love you babe forever & always!

Now photo's thru the last 8 years that make me smile...

Homecoming mum Vance bought me back in 2002 when we started dating.

^First pic as a couple (2002)

First Christmas together (2002)

^ Being goofy and passing the 15 minutes before we go rinse our faces

Fear

2010-08-07T20:40:00.002-06:00

I'm so scared and nervous lately. I have dreams about everything going wrong. I have anxiety about baby's birth. None of my kids have come naturally at all. All 3 of the boys were induced for pre-clampsia or they were late. With this baby I can not be induced due to prior c-section. They say that pitocin can cause uterine rupture. So that has me freaking scared as hell. The idea of another c-section has me scared as well. In fact the thought gives me a panic attack. I had a horrible c-section with Aiden and I'm so scared to do it again with this baby. I'm trying so hard not to panic or stress over it. But it's all I think about and has been giving me nightmares keeping me up at night. I'm terrified and just want to skip the whole birthing experience at the moment.

I'm trying to keep my mind off of it but I can't seem to. Ugh, I'm not sure how I'm going to do when the day gets here. I really want a vaginal birth but none of my kids have come naturally. So pretty sure this baby won't either. They will only let me go one week over. Great, now I'm crying again. I hope this all works out the way I want it too.

I hate military life..

2010-08-05T11:16:00.005-06:00

Seriously why can't life ever go my way just one fucking time. All I wanted from the military was to be moved before my due date so that I could be settle in and not worry about moving right after I pop a baby out. But no let's change our minds and make me move after giving birth. Do I look like I want to sit in a car for 30 hours with a newborn while healing? Um, hell no I don't. Plus not setting up for baby at all here in this small ass apartment. To small to even set up in at the moment.

Plus I hate the hospital here they don't listen to me at all. I want to be fixed after this baby. Nope they don't do that here so now I have to wait til I go back to Ga and have Dr. Di do it then. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! Only thing good out of this is they will allow a VBAC so no c-section if baby will allow it. So I guess that's something to look forward to.

I just want to cry because I'm so damn fraustrated with the whole damn situation at the moment. My hormones are probably not helping much at the moment either. *Sighs* Someone shoot me already!

Long Time No Update

2010-07-29T20:46:00.003-06:00

Figure I would write on here since it's been months since I last wrote. Everything seems hectic lately. Getting ready for Bryce to start school on the 10th. Then Caleb starts soon after in preschool. Which should be nice to only have Aiden home for a few hours through out the day.

I hate bills so much right now. Ready for Vance's pay raise to kick in so that we can be fine again. Also wish my freaking apartment would quit jacking prices up month to month. It's freaking annoying and starting to piss me off. I don't even think they're allowed to do that. We have a contract with them about rent. Ugh is January yet so we can move back to Georgia already.

That's another thing that has me stressed out some. Moving while 30 weeks pregnant with 3 little boys. Should be interesting to say the least. Vance got the Navy to let us move back before my due date so I don't have to move while healing from c-section. Which I'm happy about give us time to settle in new place and get ready for baby. We're looking into some houses to buy. We're both happy to not live in an apartment ever again, lol. We are not apartment people.

Only part that sucks about moving is that we won't be able to go to Texas for Christmas. As we will be getting everything packed up for the movers. Which sucks. I would love to go see family one more time before we head back to Georgia. I know once we go back, we most likely will not be back to Texas for at least 2 years. Which is going to suck so bad. Means no one will meet the newest little nugget til she/he is 2. Kind of bums me out more. But between the kids being in school and Vance getting deployed just won't ever have time. *sighs*

Pregnancy is going good. So far everything is working out. Had a few scared but started to think baby is going to be just fine. Find out the sex October 25. We're going to a 3d/4d place to see baby and find out sex. Best part we can give family and friends a link so they can find out with us from their computers. Even will be able to hear Vance and I talk. Pretty neat. I'm so ready to know if baby is a girl or boy yet. We're thinking girl. *fingers crossed* Wish time would fly by already, lol.

Well going to get off here and give in to my craving for a reese's sonic blast. I know bad when I'm trying not to gain much weight with this baby. BUT sounds so yummy!

Blah Day

2010-05-18T21:36:00.002-06:00

So today I went to the doctor because my IUD has been acting up and it hurts so bad having it in. Unfortunately I won't know much more til freaking June 6. I hate tricare at times. I even took my doctors advice and went to the E.R. to fast track tricare and get it check. Do they check it? No. They said it's probably a bladder infection and sent me home. The only thing I learned was I'm not pregnant. Which I figured I wasn't. Glad I'm not as well since my doctor had me convince that getting pregnant with an IUD would kill the baby. Which I don't think I could handle really.

In another note when he said he thought I was pregnant, all I could think about was how terrified I am of having another c-section or hemorrhaging on the table again. It scared me to death. We want another baby, and probably most likely will have one late next year. We're thinking of trying in November. But I'll be scared the whole c-section. I doubt I'll find a doctor to let me go vaginally. I even talk to the doctor I saw today and he said it was very doubtful that I could have a baby vaginally. *sighs* Bryce has been asking me lately if he would ever have a baby sister. All I could say is I don't know. He doesn't want anymore brothers, says they frustrate him.

I've looked into adoption so many times but to come up with money for all the legal fees we can't do. No way we can come up with 25,000. If we could some how come up the money and adopt we would do in a heartbeat. Plus I found out that most birth moms choose families who have no children. I talk to a few people who have been trying to adopt for years and they were told it would be awhile since they already had children. Which is a downer. So I guess I need to give up on the idea of adoption.

Anywho on another note there is absolutely nothing new at all. The kids are fine as always, running around the house. Bryce keeps complaining that summer is too long for him. He is ready to go back to school. Caleb is also ready to start school next year. He told me today that he was a big boy and not my monkey anymore. Which hurt a little bit. Aiden is already starting to get into everything. He learned how to climb onto the the desk, turn the computer off, and climb in the living room window. Oh he also has been trying to climb out the crib. He stacks his stuff animals and trys to get out, lol. I sit there laughing behind the door, watching him.

I guess I'm going to get off here and get some sleep. Hope everyone is doing well.

Home Sick

2010-05-16T13:25:00.003-06:00

Lately I've had a horrible case of being home sick. I miss Texas so much lately and wish we could move back there already. But it's not our choice it's all up to the Navy. I'm so sick of moving every few years, it sucks. I just want to move to one spot and stay there forever but I don't see that happening for a long time. It sucks that we only get to go to Texas for 2 weeks, once a year. It's not even enough time to see everyone. I feel like as soon as we get there it's time to leave again.

The kids barely know all of their family, they get use to everyone then off we go. I really hate that the kids will have to move alot growing up. I feel bad, like soon we'll be moving again and Bryce will have to say goodbye to his friends at school. I know I hated moving around and making new friends, growing up. I hated being the new kid. I just don't want them to have to go thru that. But we have no choice that's what military life is.

I'll continue to go along with moving around for Vance. I support his career, even if it means having to move every few years. I'll just keep looking on the bright side of things. I mean we get to see so much moving all the time is some what of a plus, right? Dont get me wrong I'm glad to have met all the people I have met everywhere. Just ready to seattle down in one place for good finally. *sighs* At least I get to see my sister Jean and niece Mia very soon. I think I need this visit really bad. It will be nice to see some family again.

It's been awhile

2010-05-10T20:13:00.002-06:00

Have you ever wish you could erase things? I sure do at times, so many things I have erased from my memory growing up. For Mother's day I wanted to erase things. Start the day over and not have that conversation. I know I can't make it go away and it sucks to know. I know in a way I shouldn't let it bother me. It was 6 years ago and I shouldn't care but I do. Looking back I think "boy am I an idiot.". I knew all along in my head my ignored it. I mean everyone warned me and told me I was dumb for getting married. Even his family told me what was going on. But I chose to believe him over everyone else.

I don't really know how I feel at the moment. I'm numb I guess. At first I was a little shocked but not suprised. Which makes it worse that I wasn't suprised. Vance thinks I'm going to blow up later on but I really don't think I will. If I would have known the truth then, I probably would have been done with everything. But after 6 years so many things have changed since then. We have 3 beautiful boys and I'm pretty sure we can move past this. I know he's not perfect, no one is. Time heals everything right?

Ugh I'm rambling but just needed to clear my head. Writing seems to do that for me. Plus this actually makes me feel better.

On another note months after having Aiden I was 240 and now I weigh 200. Woot, Woot! I'm kicking ass and losing weight. Now 20 more pounds and I will be happy. It's been hard but I'm going to keep on going. For my birthday I would love to hit my goal, that is my dream.

The kids are doing good. Getting big and keeping me busy all the time. I feel like I have no time to myself when I'm chasing them around the house. Bryce finishes school for the year this wednesday. Then August 10 he starts kindergarton. He is totally pumped about being in school all day like a big kid. Caleb will start preschool next year. He is trying harder at using the potty more so he can go to school like Bryce. Hopefully he'll be fully potty trained before school starts. Aiden is my little terror now. He is into everything and he is getting better at being sneaky. Even with baby gates he can find his way thru. He piggy backs when his brothers forget to lock it after they go thru. Next thing you know he is in the bathroom playing in the toilet. Something about the bathroom.

Well I'm going to get off here. I'm going to try to post on here more but it's hard with 3 little boys running around.

Fertility Friend

2010-01-31T23:42:00.003-07:00

So I'm going for it. Why not give it one more try. I've done research on how to get my baby girl. So much research I should be able wiggle my nose and pop one out, lol. Kidding. But seriously my eyes hurt from all the reading. I am making an apt to get my IUD out as soon as I can. Then I will start charting my cycle til it becomes "normal" again. Right now my IUD has decided to finally make my period not come anymore. I will be on the pill til I can get the cycles figured out, plus I heard its better to be on the pill for at least 2 cycles before becoming pregnant after an IUD. So this I shall do. Plus the IUD is causing me so much crap. One my emotions seem crappy, two my cysts have gone into overdrive landing me in the E.R. in pain. So yea no more IUD.

So in 6 months or so I should be posting a blog reporting that I am pregnant. *crosses fingers* Then 4 months after that we will see what the sex is. Again *crosses fingers*. Yes this will be our last baby as I'm sure my doctors were speaking the truth when they said "only one more baby for you." So I'm praying and hoping I get my baby girl finally. Wish me luck.

Well I'm going to go get some sleep. I'm exhausted, night everyone.

One of the scariest days of my life

2010-01-27T22:31:00.002-07:00

So today was a scary day for us as parents. It started out like a normal day at our home. Vance came home from his midshift, everything seem fine. I wasn't feeling too well so he missed in morning class. Which I thank God that he did. Because our baby Aiden started having problems breathing. He was wheezing, and gasping for air. Vance saw him eat some lint and thought he had got it all. Well he then puked tons of mucus up. I mean tons, probably about 1/2 a cup of mucus. Again he started having a tough time breathing. So Vance rushed him to Evans Army Hospital. I stayed behind with the older 2. Since there was no time for me to get them dress. Aiden was really having trouble breathing.

Vance gets there, 3 people listen to his lungs and were worried about his breathing. Sent him to get an xray. Next thing they rush vance and aiden to memorial childrens trama center. The dr there does xray and informs Vance that our baby has something stuck in his esophagus. So straight to an O.R. they take Aiden. Vance stood with him til he was knocked out and had a breathing tube put in. The doctors were able to get in and get a metal screw with jagged edges out right before it got into his tummy. He was lucky a little longer and he would have needed major surgery to get it from his stomach. Man am I so thankful Vance missed class today, and I'm so thankful for the doctors working quick to get it out of Aiden. I was so scared the hour he was knocked out in the O.R. seemed like so freaking long. I was pacing on the phone with my mom worrying about my baby boy.

I was so happy to see my baby come home. I thought he would be crying or upset about everything today. Nope he sat next to me saying "mama" over and over playing with his toys. Gave him a nice warm bottle, bath and he went to bed. He has a sore throat and is on liquids for the next 3-4days. No solids. The doctor said he should be ok. I'm so thankful that he is ok. I hope nothing like this ever happens again. I cried so much worrying about him. I'm crying now thinking about it all.

Today truly was a scary day as a mom. I sat here vacuuming my house over and over. Thinking why didn't I see the screw. Did I not do a good enough job to keep my baby boy safe. Everyone says not to blame myself but I do. I feel like I failed him by not being there to stop him from swallowing it. 3 weeks shy of his first birthday and he had to have his first o.r. experience.

I don't know what else to say. I hope this day never happens again. *sighs*

Bring on the new year..

2010-01-25T19:05:00.002-07:00

"Some people should be in your life the entire time and some should just make an appearence."

I think that will be my new motto to go by. It has a nice ring to it and is exactly I feel about some people. No more letting people walk all over me and only talk to me when it is convient to them. Now to tell those people I don't want nothing to do with them should be fun. But I really need to do something about it.

It's been awhile since I actually wrote a blog. Just life has been busy and I really don't have much time it seems anymore. I can't believe it's already a new year. Time seems to be flying by fast it seems.

Aiden will be 1 very soon. Which I'm excited about and yet a little sad. My baby is not a baby anymore. Usually it wouldn't bother me. But this time it does. Probably because I'm not sure if I want to try for a girl again or not. I mean still 50% chance we would have another boy. I don't know if I want to even give it a shot. Part of me is like come on this will be your girl, while the other is like time to close up the baby shop. Move on to the next chapter of life. I have no idea what to go with. So I guess for now I take time and think about it. I just really want a daughter so much. I always have and I hurt inside knowing that I might never have a daughter. I joke about maybe I'll luck out and get all granddaughters. But really, I want a little girl of my own. To have a mother/daughter relationship. It just sucks. Don't get me wrong I love my boys, but its not the same. Ugh why is it I get so emotional thinking about this. I tell myself I won't cry and yet I do. ugh I hate hormones.

We talked about adopting a little girl. I did reaserch on it, and as much as I would love to. I don't know where we would come up with the money to do it. Seriously. In less I know someone personally who is wanting to put their baby up for adoption I don't see it happening. *sighs* Maybe I should just give up on having a little girl. But it's all I think about it seems. Which drives me crazy. I love looking at baby girls stuff, even though I know it makes me sad inside. Maybe I'm just pathetic. Who knows.

On another note my sister is flying here to see me next month with my niece. Who I finally get to meet. I'm totally excited to spoil her and send her back to ga for my sis to deal with, hehe. Love you Jean! :)

The boys are all doing good. Bryce is almost done with his first year of school, and man he's learn so much. He LOVES school. All he talks about are his teachers and classmates. I think he'll be sad when the year comes to an end. Caleb is talking so much more and is actually making an effort to use the potty. Which you know I'm thrilled about. Since I'm ready for him to be out of pullups already. Aiden is almost walking now and loves screeching about everything. He's my little rollie pollie, lol.

Life seems pretty good at the moment. This year so far has started off pretty well. Except for having pnuemonia for awhile its been awesome. Well I'm going to get off here, try not to cry anymore about something I can't make happen. I guess I just needed to vent about it. Maybe one day I won't think about having a little girl all day...who knows?

This is me

2009-10-05T19:51:00.002-06:00

"Let the world know you as you are, not as you think you should be, because sooner or later, if you are posing, you will forget the pose, and then where are you?" ~Fanny Brice

I decided to write a blog about myself, maybe some will learn more about me. Sorry that it is a little long, I’m trying to keep it somewhat short.

My name is Cassandra, I’m a daughter, sister, wife, mom, and aunt. I was born in Jacksonville, N.C. but was raised in Texas since I was 6. I am the oldest of 6 kids (3 brothers and 2 sisters). I was a tom boy, I’ve never really been into girly things. I never wear dresses, ever. It has to be a very important event for me to wear a dress or good luck with that. The only time I’ve really wore a dress was to my own wedding or someone elses. Other then that I’m happy with jeans and a t-shirt. Just who I am. I don’t really care for make-up. Again, rarely will I wear it.

I’m a shy person. I don’t open up easily. In fact it takes awhile for me to trust people at all. But if you give me long enough time I’ll eventually open up. I'm a very forgiving person, it takes a lot for me not to forgive you. I’m really a big dork. I love laughing and making people laugh. I like helping people out if I can. No matter what it is, if you ask I’ll do my best to help. I love music and to write. I love playing with my kids and spending time with my husband. I cry during movies. I get scared easily from horror movies, I will be up all night thinking that the movie is going to happen to me. I’m clumsy and sometimes, have my blonde moments. I get loud when I feel threatened. I’m very stubborn at times, especially when I’m right. I could care less what people think of me. But say something about my family or friends then I get very defensive. I do have opinions on several subjects and will give them.

Take Medicaid and food stamps. I hate when people judge others for needing help to make ends meet. I was on Medicaid growing up and there isn’t anything wrong with it. My mom was on food stamps to take care of us. I hate when people say that if you use the government for help you’re lazy. That’s not true. My mom worked hard to take care of us and did everything she could to make sure we were raised right. She use to walk to work every morning holding my baby brother to make sure we were tooken care of. She work 12 hour days, come home and do it all over the next day. Just so we could have clothes, electricity, home, etc. I’m very thankful for everything she did to take care of us. I admire her very much for everything she has done.
I hate violence towards children and women. I get disgusted when I hear anything in the news about a child or woman being raped, abused, etc. I have experience some stuff when I was 8 and would not wish it on anyone else. I wish I could help people who have been thru any of that out. Trust me if I could have a million dollars, I would start a foundation or donate to shelter who help victims of abuse out.

I believe in equal rights to all. No matter what. Something that makes me sad is all the people who voted for Prop 8. I think that it is unfair that gay and lesbians cannot get married in some states. I believe they have a right to be joined together like everyone else. They don’t even care if its called marriage. They just want to be recognized as lifetime partners. They deserve to get all the benefits a straight couple would be given who are married. I hate when people bring the bible into it. It has nothing to do with it. If you want to go there, then lets talk divorce. There are so many people who get married for a few months divorce and remarry in no time. Like its nothing. Now I can see if you get out of a marriage because the spouse was unfaithful, or violent. But to marry someone then divorce them because you can is crap. Its alright for them to remarry 10 times but people can’t acknowledge a gay couple who have been together for years and are happy to have each other.

I’m pro-life myself but am pro-choice when it comes to other women’s bodies. I feel they have a right to choose an abortion. I do NOT agree with women who do not use birth control and use abortion over and over. Those women do piss me off. There is so much birth control to pick from, surely something will work for you. Now if the birth control fails and you think that’s best for you then I will support you with anything you need. Personally I would never abort a child myself. But again, that is just me.

I'm going to get off of here, just wanted to share.

Dr. Appt. for the boys

2009-09-25T17:24:00.004-06:00

Today was Bryce and Aiden's dr appt. Bryce is 42 inches and weighs 36lbs. Everything checked out fine, even got him the flu mist. Hoping none of us get the flu this year. Dr. Choate did referell him urology for his penis problem. Luckily its not as bad as we thought. But he will need to be knocked out so they can make the hole bigger. Poor baby. Vance is going to have to take him, think I might cry seeing them knock him out. :(

Next up was Aiden. His head is 18 inches, he is 28 inches and weighs 18lbs. He did great with the checkup, just a little grouchy from no nap. He had 4 shots today including the flu shot. Has to go back in 30 days for another dose. Other then that the doctor said he was perfectly healthy. He's in bed now sleeping. He's a little cranky when he moves his legs, but motrin should help.

As for Caleb he didn't have a checkup today since he doesn't need one til his next birthday. He did end up getting the flu mist as well. Figure might as get all 3 of them done at once. Save us a trip to the dr. office. Caleb was the only one to have a meltdown. The minute they start taking Bryce and Aiden weight he freaked out. He thought for sure he was going to be getting a shot today. Especially when he saw Aiden get some, and they called him over for the mist. I was so glad to get home and feed the kids dinner.

Now we're waiting for tricare to call with Bryce appt. for Urology. Other then that the boys are healthy and everyone is doing good.

Pictures of the boys

2009-09-22T21:37:00.004-06:00

Just wanted to post pictures of the boys.

My dog is spoiled..

2009-09-13T14:36:00.004-06:00

As Bryce calls her "Princess Leia". She doesn't do rain or mud. If it's raining outside, forget taking her out. She rather hold it and pout out the window then go out to potty. Such a stubborn dog. I know by Halloween, we should have snow. Which means I need to get her some snow boots and a coat to go out to potty. So she doesn't freeze, if she'll go out at all. She's going to the groomers tuesday for a nice day of pampering. Bath, trim, brushing, nails, ears, etc. With my luck she won't want to come home to the kids chasing her around the house, lol. Probably get her a new bandana and bow to wear.

She such a spoiled girl. She came in from using the potty outside the other day. Usually I give her a treat when we come back in but I forgot. Well she was quick to remind me. She sat in front of the cabinet I keep the treats and barked til I realized I forgot her treat. She has her routine down and man she won't let you forget at all, lol.

I love my doggy Leia, even if she can be a snooty booty when it comes to mud or anything icky on her paws. Even if she did eat every pair of shoes I own, and the boys except our sneakers. I hope she has a nice day at her "doggy spa". I'm going to post before and after pictures on tuesday.

Pictures and short updates. :)

2009-09-09T16:50:00.005-06:00

Just wanted to post a few pictures from the last week. Unfortunatly Caleb wouldn't let me get any pics of him, he runs away laughing. It's a game to him.

Bryce is loving school. It's his favorite part of the day and what he looks forward to. He's doing well in the class, and loves his teacher Mrs. Garner. I love him being in school as well. It's nice having one kid gone for a few hours a day. Caleb is still adjusting to Bryce being in school. He gets lonely and asks where Bryce is most days. Hopefully in no timw he'll be use to it and not get so angry when Bryce leaves for school. Aiden is doing well, loves rolling around the living room. He just started practicing with his walker. He's not really sure what to make from it but it gets him off the ground. He's also been very grouchy the last 2 days, we're thinking its teething time again. Hopefully it is this set won't take long to cut thru. All in all the boys are doing good.

We have checkup for Aiden and physical for Bryce on the 16. The school needs me to get a physical on him and also need a doctor to fill out a form about his rasberry allergy. Fun stuff. Bryce isn't going to like it much, since they are going to make him strip out of everything. Bryce hates having no shirt on and they want him to get naked. Oh joy. Luckily Vance is taking him to his physical and I'm doing the checkup on Aiden. Hopefully that appt. will be easy.

Well I need to get off here, need to get the boys in the tub. Hoping to get to bed early tonight, I'm not feeling to well. Hope everyone is doing well.

Bryce starts school!

2009-08-31T13:27:00.002-06:00

Figure I would update on here, since I haven't in awhile. The only thing new going on here is Bryce starts school tomorrow at 1pm! He now has school Tuesday-Friday 1pm-4pm at Otereo Elementary. Tomorrow will be his first day of school. He's very excited about it, just doesn't like the part we're we can't stay with him. But I'm sure he'll be fine after a few days. I'll post pictures from his first day tomorrow night or the next day.

If you would like to see photo's of taken of the kids lately, click here. That will take you to my album with all the latest pictures I've tooken of the boys. I would just post them on here, but my computer is being slow today and I need to get back to what I was doing.

Hope everyone is doing good! :)

Blah felt like writing

2009-08-16T21:49:00.003-06:00

So lately I've been wondering if my IUD is ever going to stop messing with my body. I have all these side effects lately. I'm extra tired most days, I can't seem to get the weight gain no matter how much I watch what I eat and everything, I have the worse back pain lately. Plus I cramp on and off most days. No period really yet since I've had it in. Just on and off spotting like the dr said I would have. Its almost been 6 month since I had it in. She said by now I shouldn't notice any side effects. That I should be use to it. So why do I feel so out of sync lately. I'm emotional to, several times a day I find myself wanting to cry. Of new sigh my boob hurts like no tomorrow, they feel so heavy. Hmmm..Maybe I should call the midwife who put it in. I have her direct line. Maybe she can answer my questions. Wish I knew more people who had an IUD so I could ask them if they were like this and for how long. I just want to feel "normal" again.

We have so many things coming up this week. Vance needs to fix his truck so I can have my car full time to take Bryce to school. He starts thursday, though I'm still waiting on them to get back to me. Think I'm going to call them in the morning and get all the info. I need. Tired of waiting on them. Its been over a week and still waiting. Aiden will be 6 months on the 18, has his first 2 teeth. So extra grouchy lately and gumming everything he sees. Earlier he was gumming one of his toys that hangs from his gym. He rolled under it and just gummed it while it was hanging above his head. My birthday is on the 22, I'll be 24. Woohoo another year older. So thrilled let me tell ya, lol. The 28 marks 7yrs Vance and I have been together. Can't believe its really been that long. Whats funny is when we first got together I gave it a month tops, 7yrs later we're still together and very happy.

Other then that same stuff, different day still. I redid the main bathroom so now its this underwater theme. Which Bryce loves. He loves all the ocean things. The sharks, fishie, octopuss, starfish stuff. Everything is underwater. He thanked me when he saw it. He's exact words were "thank you mommy for decorating my bathroom, I love the fishies." Yep he thinks as it as his territory which in a way it is. Noone else really uses that bathroom in less its to shower. Thats only because our other bathroom doesn't have a tub.

I really should log off here, and turn in for the night. I had a long last night with Caleb having a tummy bug all night waking me up. Me and him ate some bad food. So we got to suffer while everyone else slept. He's doing better only woke up once so far for a clean pullup and more pepto. So maybe tonight will be a better one for us. I hate sleeping alone, just turn and toss. But I need to make myself sleep. Guess I'll watch a movie on my labtop til I get sleepy. Night everyone, hope everyone is doing good. :)

Wedding Anniversary, Pictures of the boys

2009-08-09T13:46:00.010-06:00

Yesterday was our 5 year wedding anniversary. Can't believe we've been married for 5 years already. We had a nice day spending time together as a family. Went out to Applebee's for dinner. Which the boys really liked. All 3 kids were on there best behavior, I was nervous someone would have a melt down. But none at all. Aiden fussed a little, but I gave him a little bit of my tea to help numb his gums from his new tooth that is almost done cutting. So he was happy and went to sleep.

Then we came home, grabbed the double stroller and Leia. All went for a walk to the park. Vance found a trail that leads behind our apartments to a nice little park. Leia loves the trail give her plenty of time to run around and take care of business. The boys were love the walk and fresh air. Plus once we got there, they were running around playing. Bryce was proud that he could do the balancing beam on his own. Caleb was proud he could climb to the top on his own. Aiden just loves being outside and giggled at everything.

After the kids and Leia finished running around there, we headed back home. The boys were so pooped, then hopped into bed and were out in no time. Which was nice to have a night of all 3 sound asleep. Vance and I watched the movie "Push" on demand. Which was actaully a really good movie. I thought it would be stupid, but I actually really liked it. Kind of reminded me of xmen in a way.

All in all, yesterday was a nice little family day. Today we're all hanging out at home being lazy, lol. The kids are maing their bunkbeds into forts and having a little battles. Aiden is scooting around the living room, gumming on his fingers. I'm just chilling in my pj's today. Have a bit of an upset somach.

Here's some pictures from yesterday, hope everyone likes them. I'm off to lay on the couch and relax while the kids play together.

What is wrong with my kids

2009-08-07T23:51:00.002-06:00

This is the second night in a row that all 3 kids are wide awake. I'm so ready to pass out and sleep. But looks like that isn't happening tonight. At this moment Caleb and Bryce are protesting about not sleeping tonight. I've tried everything and they just will not go to bed. *pulls hair out* I know why Aiden isn't sleeping. He cut his first tooth and now his second is starting to cut. Plus we had to take him to the e.r. last night because he some how ripped his circumcision. He's ok, just have to keep it clean and put ointment on the dr gave me. Only need to worry if starts bleeding heavily or puss come out. So I can see why he's up all night grouchy. But the other 2 seriously. Up til 1am, crash then up at 5:30ish in the morning. I'm not getting any sleep at night. Its very frustrating to have 3 kids yelling at you all night. Vance is at work so I'm all alone trying to take care of everything. I feel so out number though. I really do want to rip my hair out right now. *sighs* I hope I can them to sleep soon, would love to get some sleep tonight. I'm so tired.

Vance wonders why I'm so cranky when he comes home in the morning, its because I'm up all night with the boys. Then I have to turn around and take care if stuff during the day. I try not to be in a cranky mood but I can't seem to help it. Vance has the next few night off coming up, hoping he can help me get them back in a sleeping pattern before I go crazy or at least help when they protest this late at night.

Well I need to get off here, I'm exhausted. Off to try and get them all to bed, wish me luck.

My baby is going to school

2009-08-05T13:45:00.002-06:00

Bryce went to register and interview for school. He starts on this month on the 20th. So excited for him, he's really excited about it. We're going shopping tomorrow for school clothes and his backpack for class. He's just glowing with getting into school this year. He's a big boy now, not a baby. He keeps reminding me every few minutes that he got in. I'm waiting for the lady to call me later on today or tomorrow. To go over some things and answer anymore question I may have since Vance was the only one to go today. I stayed home with the younger two.

I'll definatly post pictures from his first day when we take drop him off. Totally not going to tear up. Nope. Not going to. At least try not to.

Well need to get off here and get some cleaning done. Just wanted to share the awesome news tha he starts school this year. :)

I just want to scream

2009-07-31T16:32:00.002-06:00

AAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok that didn't really help. But I want to scream and let out some frustration right now. Today has not been a good day at all. The boys are driving me crazy. Mostly Bryce. I don't know what got into him today. He's 4 and acting like he's 1 again. All day he has done nothing but thrown fits over EVERYTHING. Every 5 minutes I'm having to get on to him about every little thing. First he got up and complained about how bored he was. Um seriously only 10 minutes awake and your complaining about being bored. Then at lunch he was determine to annoy me about what he wanted to eat. He threw an absolute fit. So I was happy to get to naptime. Cue naptime, I get Aiden and Caleb down. What does Bryce do decides to refuse to take a nap and kick caleb to wake him up. He has this idea that if he wakes his brothers up he won't have to take a nap. Um..no. I was so beyond annoyed at this point I had him stay in his bed in til he stopped his fit and went to sleep. So he is finally asleep while I'm dealing with Caleb who is still pissy from being woken up.

Bryce wakes up from naptime, first thing he does cries because he realize the younger 2 are playing in the living room without him. I get him to stop with that fit. 2 minutes later and he is screaming over a toy that Caleb had first. Seriously by this point I am looking at the clock waiting for Vance to walk in the door so he can take over. Time goes by and Bryce throws more fit off to his room he goes where an hr has passed and all I hear is how mean I am and how much he hates me. At this point I'm at the boiling point trying really hard not to lose it. Tapping my foot waiting on Vance to get home. I'm ready for him to come in and me to take off to get the grocerys and some quiet time away. Nope no hubby. He still isn't here, and I'm still here. Trying really hard not to cry. Today has been beyond fraustrating. The dog isn't helping for some reason no matter how many times I walk her. She just won't poop outside. She'll pee outside then come back in and poop on the carpet. So she's in time out in her bed.

I wish Vance would walk in the door soon, I still have to go to the store. Then come home and make something for dinner. That doesn't take too long to make.

Ok. I'm getting off here. Going to go count to 10 and deal with Bryce and another fit. *sighs*

Dr Checkups

2009-07-28T15:02:00.004-06:00

The boys went to the doctor today. Aiden had his checkup. He is now in the 75% for weight and height. He is 26inches tall and 15lb 13oz. He also has a large head. It grew alot since last time. She wrote it off as "daddy having a large head". She told me to let him comfort himself to sleep at night and no more night time feedings. That he is doing great and should be able to go all night with no more bottles. We'll see how this goes. Suppose to give him a bottle and cereal before bed to last him all night. He took 3 shots today. Didn't really cry much and was asleep 3 minutes later.

Bryce didn't have to get a checkup but had to get 5 shots since he's 4 now. I thought he would be the one to fight and cry. But he just sat there and watched her stick his arms. He didn't cry or get scared. Just came out saying "my arms are sore and I'm a tough guy." He was so proud of himself. He's chilling out on now waiting on the motrin to kick in for the soreness and eating his snack.

Caleb went in and got his bug bites looked at since its been 6wks and haven't healed. She wrote him a prescription for some cream to rub on it twice a day. He is 26lbs and I didn't get to know his height. So I'm not sure how tall he is now. Hopefully his bites will be healed in no time.

So all in all everyone is healthy and doing fine here. Anyways I'm off to get some stuff done around the house. Thanks Sarah for the cute siggy you made for the boys!

Big Boy Beds!

2009-07-18T20:19:00.004-06:00

We finally got the boys bunk beds. They arrived today just in time for bed time. The boys were so thrilled to be moving up to big boy beds. Bryce claimed the top and Caleb is on the bottom bunk. Once they monkey around for a hour they passed out finally. Guess they needed to get the excitement of new beds over with. Its so cute seeing them lay in such huge beds. They look so small in twin beds, compared to their toddler beds. Especially Caleb.

Now I need to work on getting Aiden from his bassinet to his crib. This should be fun. Since we've been home, he won't sleep in less he is laying beside me or in my arms. Which sucks because I'm to nervous to sleep with him beside me. Plus its really uncomfortable to sleep with a baby on your arm all night. During the day he'll roll around the living room and pass out whenever he gets tired of rolling. But at night he wants to be with mommy and daddy. It's a little frustrating. I'm going to try my hardest to get him in his own bed by this time next week. He's still pretty fussy all the time gumming on everything he can get his little hands on. Thank goodness for teething tablets, seems like the only thing that helps him rest at times. Can't believe he's 5 months old today. Doesn't really seem like 5 months have passed.

As much fun as I had in Texas seeing everyone. Nothing beats coming home to your own bed. Man did I miss my bed. Plus 85 degrees is much better then over 100 degree weather. I will not miss the heat in Texas. I guess I've gotten to Colorado weather because I can't take Texas weather at all, lol. I still miss Georgia weather. At least I think I do, lol. I need to go there and see if I still do. If only Vance would go on a trip with me there to see my sister and my adorable niece Mia.

Well I need to get off here, get Vance up for work. I hope everyone likes the pics of the boys in their new beds. Sorry most of them were blue it was due to their blue curtains.

Pictures!

2009-06-07T19:46:00.004-06:00

The drive to Texas and pics after accident

2009-06-07T15:30:00.003-06:00

so as everyne knows I am in texas for 6weeks to visit family and friends here. even though at first I didn't think we would make it here it seem. As soon as we got to the Texas state line everything went down hill. First we had a blow out, then we get pulled over by a trooper since Vance was speeding. Then we were lost oh that was crappy. last but not least we hit a family of wild pigs on jacksboro highway. 8 pigs were in the road it was 1 in the morning and we came aound a turn with no time to stop. so we ended up hitting 3 pigs. Then we et one mile up the road and Vance pulls over to find that we have been pullin my front bumper under the car. which we had to squeeze in the car with the kids and all out stuff we packed very cramp til we found a gas station 15 miles later and called my mom to come help us get home since we weren't sure it was safe to drive it anymore. Its in the shop now. should be out by thursday.

According to geico its going to cost 665 to fix it all. we have to pay 500 since thats our deductible. They are replacing the following.

License Bracket

Front deflector fender

left and right fender liner

front lamps

left fog lamp

left fog lamp bulbs

Aim fog lamps.

I'm glad everyone is fine and none of us were hurt. Also glad that it wasn't a deer since that would have been alot worse. as for now I can't visit anyone if you want to see me and the kids you have to come to Granbury.

Here is a few pics the shop took of the Pacifica when our insurance was going over it.

Whats been going on with me....

2009-05-31T22:38:00.004-06:00

I forgot to write in here after my apt. with my cardiologist. He has ordered a halter monitor, stress test and echocardiogram. I will be getting all that done when I get back from my trip to Texas is July. The one test I'm not looking forward to is the stress test. I really don't look forward to running on a treadmill til my chest pains hit. Does not sound like fun what so ever. I've done the halter test before when I was 12. Its not bad. Just 72 hrs of a monitor hooked to me at home. Pain in the ass to shower with but no biggie. He's doing an echocardiogram to check for any damage to my heart and for any possible murmors. Since I found out recently that I had one as a baby. So when I get back from Texas in July I will do all those and see what he says from there. He said he can not do anything to help til the tests are done.

I have been feeling so much better this last week. I recently cut my dad out of my life. I blocked him from any contact over the internet and stopped picking up his calls. Thinking about blocking his number. It's nice when you get such a negative person out of your life. He was always bitching at me about my sister and that was annoying. Plus he would lied about everything. Always trying to make me hate my mom or put her down. I warned him telling him I was tired of him taking crap out on me about my sister. She's 20 and is an adult. So why does he see the need to bitch at me about her not wanting anything to do to him. Maybe he should have never hit her. Maybe then she might talk to you.Maybe you should let her live her life and not put her down or lie about crap to her. Or how about not abusing your power as a cop to try and find where she lives. As for me I don't like him for so many things I try to forget over the years. Like I didn't appreciate being called a whore growing up when I was a virgin and never did anything to deserve that. I hated being slapped. You know how little it makes you feel when your father slaps you calling you a whore for no freaking reason. Makes you feel pretty fucking tiny. Oh my fave. recent one. I said I was having a bad day, and he assumes I'm fucking depressed like I was at 14-16 and that I'll cut again. I was depressed because I was molested, abused when I was 8 and was ashamed of myself. I blamed myself and had issues getting past it. Thats why I was like that. Not like you really cared. You were to busy worrying about your girlfriend. God how many young girlfriends have you gone thru. Always impressing them and putting us on the back burner. You say you wanted us to appreciate you for more then just money. Well ugh most my life I remember you giving us money to make up for being to busy to see us. I don't know how many times mom had to tell me that you weren't showing again to see us because you were to busy with your young girlfriends. Oh and how you would buy us stuff so you wouldn't feel bad. I don't appreciate being lecture on how I should be in my marriage. He would always compare me and Vance marriage to my mom and his. Always saying oh after 3 kids are marriage was ruined, how I need to be a freaking stepford wife to please my husband. Ugh no, my husband is completly happy with me because I'm who I am. Thats just a few of the reasons I no longer want to talk to my dad ever.Sorry that kind of turn into a little vent session. So yea after cutting him out I feel sooooo much better. More then I ever have.

I'm so excited to go to texas tuesday morning. Just get away see family and friends from when I was in school again. I miss all of them. I look forward to going away for 4 days with Vance to San Antonio without the boys. We have not been alone in forever. This will be my first time away from them. Only other time I was away that long was because I was having a baby. So yes very much looking forward to it. Getting some alone time with hubby.

Looking forward to having family help me with the boys. Its so nice when they are bugging their granny, mema or grandma and letting mommy have some quiet time. Bryce is really pumped and can not wait to leave tuesday. Not really looking forward to the 13hr drive hoping for a smooth drive. Hoping all 3 boys aren't to fussy. Going to let them out as much as possible to stretch.

Well I need to get off here and get little Aiden to sleep. Just finish my reese's pieces and about to take some tylenol pm to help sleep when he goes to bed. I'm turning into a vampire. I sleep more during then the day and up all night with my baby boy.

Caleb thru the years! (pics)

2009-05-30T15:10:00.005-06:00

Happy Birthday to my little monkey! He's 2 today!!! :)

Calebs Birthday

2009-05-26T22:32:00.010-06:00

Caleb

2009-05-26T22:32:00.001-06:00

Whats all going on with us.

2009-05-21T20:04:00.003-06:00

Went to my first doctor apt today. He examined me, order an mri on my brain, and gave me some pills to try. Then went on about my irregular heartbeat and how I need to get it checked out. That eventually at this pace it will get tired and give out. Being quiet and chilling out for 45 mins my heartbeat was over 120. Which makes me nervous but I'm sure everything will be fine once I see the cardiologist on the 28. Not sure when I get to do the mri scan on my brain, since radiology told me that they are only doing soldiers right now. I have to wait til tricare calls with an apt for it. So waiting game..oh joy.

Bryce has his apt on the 29 to get looked at and scheldule procedure to fix his little problem. Hopefully we can get that done quickly and he'll be fine in no time.

The boys are doing great as always. Busy growing like weeds and ready for thier birthdays. Caleb will be 2 on the 30 and knows that I have his gifts hidden some where. Which he keeps looking for. Bryce is ready to leave for Texas on the 2nd. He can't wait for his birthday party at chuck-e-cheese with family and friends in Texas. Keeps asking me how many more days. This will be the biggest party he's ever had. Also the first that we will be in Texas for. So looking forward to seeing everyone there. So far I have gotten all yes on rsvps. Waiting on 7 more people to rsvp with their kids.

Other then all that everything around here is the same. Just busy with dr apts and all the fun stuff. Looking forward to the weekend. We're going down to see the lake in Pueblo on sunday. Never been there. In July we are going to rent a cabin somewhere and hopefully Megan and Bradley will be able to come. :) Yes renting a cabin is my way of camping with 3 small kids, lol.

My adorable niece Caramia

2009-05-21T19:40:00.002-06:00

Congrats to my sister Jean and Chris on their beautiful baby girl!

Caramia Hope
May 21, 2009 at 5:59pm
6lbs 8oz and 19 inches long

Boys Yearly Photos at Sears

2009-05-15T20:13:00.006-06:00

Took the boys to get their yearly photos done. Hope everyone likes them. Took 2 hrs to get these, Caleb just did not want to stay still. Everytime she would take the pics he would run away laughing. Such a goofy butt. :) Aiden took a nude picture today, he peed everywhere by the time it was over with. Bryce was the easiest to get done, he just wanted to stay in front of the camera the whole time. Anyways hope everyone likes the pictures. I'm off to lay down and watch some movies. Been out all day running errands. Had to order Caleb's Barney birthday cake. Plus I went to toys-r-us and got his birthday gifts. Plus had to go to the grocery store on top of the kids photo shoot.

Kids look more like

2009-05-12T18:51:00.003-06:00

^ Someone made this for me. I'm getting one made of Bryce and Aiden too.

So I'm bored and getting a break while the kids are asleep. Its been a long 24hrs of cleaning up puke and changing diapers. All 3 of the boys are finally asleep. We called the dr basically he said they won't do anything til Bryce and Caleb have a fever greater then 104 and Aiden 102. I called because they all have had fevers today but none quit that high. Anyways this is what I did on my free time. According to this Bryce is a combo of me and vance. Caleb and Aiden look like me a little more then they do Vance. I think its messed up. To us Bryce looks like a combo but we thought Caleb and Aiden look more like Vance.

Pictures

2009-05-09T16:45:00.002-06:00

Back to school I go.

2009-05-06T19:04:00.003-06:00

So I've been looking into Everest. I'm really interested and wanting to go to schooling in one of their programs. I'm thinking medical assisting or criminal justice. I would love to be able to get a job that I want to do. Plus it would be nice to get out of the house and away from the kids. I can get a student loan and not pay back til after I finish school. Plus I just learned they also offer more help for military spouses including taking some of the classes online at home. So I can still take care of the boys while I learn. I really want to do this. By the time I finish and get to working Bryce and Caleb will be in school. Aiden will be a few yrs old and will be almost in school. So my babies will be out of the house pretty much. So I rather be working then stuck around the house bored. Don't get me wrong I love all the years I've been a stay at home mom, just want to have a career of my own and be a mommy. :)

Update on kiddo's

2009-05-06T17:44:00.002-06:00

Ok since friday everyone seems to be sick. Everyone is doing better but little Aiden. Took him to the dr today who told me he was dehydrated and only wants him on pedialyte or the next 72hrs. Plus he said to have a cool mist humidifier going by him 24/7 for the next 3 days. Also to give him his pedialyte in the bathroom while the hot water runs so his nose will stay clear enough from him to eat. If he doesn't keep drinking 2-3oz of pedialyte every 2 hrs to take him straight to the emergency room for IV. Also if he isn't doing alot better in 3 days to bring him back in. I hope he gets to feeling better. Poor baby. Oh I found out his weight and height since Vance forgot before he could tell me. He's now 12lbs and 20 inches.

Bryce has to go get check out and have surgery on his penis. The hole isn't on the point its actually on the top. So no matter what he does when he pottys, it shoots up to the air. We just now notice that when he started using the potty. So taking him in soon to get that check out and referrel to get if fixed. Poor little man. Hopefully it will be quick procedure and not to painful.

Oh we have a new house phone number as of tomorrow when the phone company comes out. So if you want the number email me and I'll give it to you.

Other then that nothing else going on. Been a very long few days, and doesn't look like its going to get any easier anytime soon. Well I'm off to give Aiden some more pedialyte. Take care everyone.

My new mommy mobile!

2009-05-04T21:30:00.003-06:00

Omg, so excited! I have a new mommy mobile! Its a 2004 chrysler pacifica!!! I'm so excited, lots of room for us. :) Which means traveling to texas and every day driving is going to be alot easier. I LOVE IT! I can't wait to drive it for the first time tomorrow. Vance got home with it at 9 tonight so taking it out tomorrow for a drive. :) Anyways wanted to show it off so here is the pictures!

I don't know anymore.

2009-05-01T22:30:00.002-06:00

So last night I had a breakdown. Vance came home talking about how he had to go in for stuff in the morning when I had an apt. This wasn't the first time, or second, more like 20 million time. Anyways I got so upset and annoyed at him. I didn't mean to get so upset. I think this has been coming for awhile now. You know I've been with him 7yrs in August. I should be use to the whole military life style. I try to get use to it, try to pretend its not crappy. But I can't. Now that we have kids, I don't know how much I can take to be honest. I hate when he has to be deployed, I hate being scared that he might not come home. I hate how he has to work days at a time, or how even on his days off they call him in. I hate feeling like I'm raising the kids on my own all the time. I hate it so much. I hate when he's gone how I have to explain to Bryce why daddy isn't home. Or listen to him cry for daddy and not give him what he wants because I'm not daddy. I try so hard to make myself not care or worry all the time. But I do. I hate sleeping alone. I hate feeling so alone at times. I hate how it takes me having to be referral out to specialist for his job to freaking start caring when I have apts and NEED to go. Oh and I hate that crap I hear about how if the military wanted you to have a wife they would issue you one. Whoever freaking came up with that should be punched in the face. Seriously I really hate that phrase.

I like everyone that I made friends with where ever we moved. Just there is so much drama it seems in military towns. Seriously you know why I don't like knowing alot of military wives because all they do is start drama. Like pulling husband ranks and thinking their better. That crap gets on my nerves and I rather not have to deal with it all together. Now I have met some who are not like that and I like them I really do. And will always want to stay in contact.

You know what I see how happy everyone that use to work with vance is after they left the military life. They all moved back to their home states. Though some had to go on food stamps and medicaid they're so much happier to be home and with their familys and friends they grew up with. I want that. I want to be able to see my family more often or friends I've known since middle school. I miss everyone. I really do. Everytime I go to Texas then come back, I feel home sick for a few weeks. I think we both do. I know it would be hard at first. But in the end we'll be fine and way more happier. We'll have so much support there, and we always have more fun when we can be around ppl we love.

Vance is thinking about getting out. Last night I broke down and told him how I felt. He says he's thought about it. Just worrys about how hard it will be at first. He should have his degree not much longer after he got out. Which then he said he could find a really good job in San Antonio probably. I would love to move back to Texas. San Antonio works with me. No matter how hard it is. In the end I think we would be alot better off and way more happier. Nothing for sure yet. Have to wait and see what happens. He has till 2011 to figure it all out. But god would I love it so much.

I'm going to stop rambling and get off of here.

I'm falling apart.

2009-05-01T18:20:00.002-06:00

At least I feel like I am. I went to the follow up apt to get my lab results. My thyroid is fine. But they are now sending me to a cardiologist and neurologist now. Cardiologist bacause I have chest pains and I have iregular heartbeat. Basically it beats to fast. The neurologist for my headaches that cause my vision to blur or double when they hit. Plus they want me to get an mri of my brain to check for any tumors. I just want to know whats wrong with me not more apts. I just want to feel better and back to my old self. I'm only 23 and feel like I'm falling apart.

Aiden is doing ok on his soy formula. Hopefully he'll do alot better now. If not back to the dr so they can figure out why his tummy is so sensitive. Bryce is sick on top of all of this. He woke up last night crying for help. He was burning up and had puked on himself. His throat is swollen and still feverish. He just seems miserable. All he's done is lay on the couch in and out of it. He can't see his dr til next week. But if it gets to where he can't eat or drink I'm taking him to the E.R. Which I cant see happening tomorrow probably. He won't eat much says it hurts way to bad.

I'm so exhausted the last few nights have been crappy. With Aiden adjusting to new formula and was up crying from his shots. Then last night Bryce was crying most the night because his throat hurt. Hopefully I'll be able to get some sleep. At least I hope. Vance has to work from 9 tonight til 7am. So I'm by myself tonight. So I'm really hoping to get some sleep tonight so I can function tomorrow. If I don't sleep tonight I might not be able to do anything tomorrow without dosing off.

Well going to get off here and get some cleaning done.

Aidens apr.

2009-04-29T17:58:00.002-06:00

Today was a busy day. We were at the hospital by 9:12 for my blood pressure check for the day. Then off to the pediactric clinic down the hall for Aidens checkup. Which was the longest apt it seemed. In the 30 minutes waiting for Aiden to be called back, Caleb decided to practice walking backwards. He fell bump his head on the table then the floor. So he has a little bump on his head from that.

Finally Aiden was called back for his checkup. Vance took him back while I stayed in the waiting room with the older 2 so they could play. The dr gave us 2 types of formula to try on Aiden since the gentle ease isn't working. He's been puking and constipated again. First one we are trying is Similac Insomil Advance. Its soy milk. If he's not doing better by the time we run out of the sample we have Similac Alimentum to try. Its Hypoallergenic formula for food allergys and colic. So going to give it a try and let the dr know if any of these make him feel better. If its the Alimentun one that does it I have to get a prescription to get wic with it. I hope one of these will work feel bad for the little guy. Hopefully Sams club will let me exchange the gentle ease for whatever Aiden ends up on. I would post how much Aiden weighs and his height but vance knows and didn't tell me. So waiting for him to email me from work and let me know.

After his checkup we went to get his shots done next door. Also requested all 3 boy shot records so that I can put them on wic. Trying to save money and wic helps alot. They gave Aiden his 3 shots then we waited for her to find the older 2 shot record. Finally she finds them 25minutes later. Which ended up having to get Caleb a shot done while we were there. I felt bad for Caleb, he fell asleep to be woken up to a shot in his leg. Plus he his head was hurting from falling down. After 20 minutes of making sure he had no side effects we finally got to come home. It was noon by the time we got home from everything.

Vance left after we got home to take care of some stuff and get to work. As for me, I've been dealing with 2 crying kids. I've been switching between tylenol and motrin like the dr said. But man everytime they bump their legs on anything, its screaming time for 30 minutes. So been hard cleaning the house with Aiden in my arms or Caleb wanting to be held. Really looking forward to all 3 going to bed so I can get a little quiet time for the night.

I finish my 5 day blood pressure on friday morning, also get my lab result from my thyroid that morning at 10am. So hopefully they can tell me whats wrong with me and give me something for it then. Friday will be a long day with my apt, paying bills, grocery shopping, etc. I can't wait til Vance is off again so I can have a much needed lazy day to myself.

Well I'm going to get off here, need to get the boys ready for bed soon.

Pictures

2009-04-27T17:31:00.002-06:00

Pics of Aiden

2009-04-23T23:51:00.003-06:00

Just figure I would post pictures of Aiden I took tonight. :) He finally learned to stick his tongue out. Hope everyone likes the pics.

Dr apt update.

2009-04-22T14:41:00.002-06:00

So I went to my apt for blood pressure. He sent me to get an EKG done, then ordered labs for my thyroid to see if that was the problem. He also has me coming in monday thru friday for blood pressure checks. I won't see him again til May 4th to get the results from everything and see what he wants to do from there. So just playing the waiting game and do blood pressure checks like ordered. Hopefully he can tell me whats going on when I see him again.

Anyways I'm off to get some stuff done while the kids are napping.

blah

2009-04-21T14:06:00.003-06:00

So I went to my apt for my IUD. It wasn't painful, just lots of cramping and discomfort while she was doing it. She told me about checking the string every day, and the risk of it puncturing my uterus. How it can lead to surgery, etc. So I'm keeping an eye on it.

She also mention how my blood pressure was high. She was more worry about the diastolic number. She wasn't happy with how high it was and was worried. But I see the my pcm for it tomorrow at 1pm so we'll see what all he says about it. I'm trying to do everything to help bring it down. Losing weight, eating right, etc. I guess I'll have to wait til tomorrow to see what they want to do. Keeping my fingers crossed that its nothing to bad and that everything will be ok.

Just use to my blood pressure going back to normal after having a baby. This is the first time where its still high after 8 weeks. So makes me a little nervous. I'm going to try not to worry til I see the dr and have nothing to worry about.

Off to lay on the couch and relax. I'm having horrible cramps. :(

Dr. Apts, and weight loss

2009-04-20T16:39:00.002-06:00

Its been 20 days since I started dieting. So far I've lost 9lbs! :) So I'm pretty happy about that, getting closer and closer to losing my 30lbs. *dances*

Today I went to Evans to do my lab work real quick for my IUD apt tomorrow morning. I hate when I have to do a urine test and don't need to use the bathroom. I didn't even have to wait in line to do the test. Just in the end it took 30 mins, a bottle of water, and walking around the hospital to make myself go.

Tomorrow I go in at 10:20 to pick up my IUD from the pharmacy and head upstairs to wait til 11 to see my ob. Ready to get it tooken care of already. Be nice to have a birth control that last 5yrs already. Hopefully I don't get pregnant with this like I have with the pill and patch.

Wednesday is my apt at 1 for high blood pressure with Dr. Garcia. Ready to finally get seen and get something to help my blood pressure. Also hoping that it will help with the chest pains, blurry vision, and horrible headaches I've been having. I'll write an entry after I get home from that apt.

Aiden goes in on the 29 at 10:30 for his 2 month check up and shots. I can't believe he's already 2 months old. Doesn't seem like its been that long. Then in May need to take Caleb in for his 2yr check up, then Bryce 4yr old check up in June. My babies are getting so big. :)

Well I need to get off here and get the boys in the tub and ready for bed. Hope everyone is doing good. :)

Can't see the dr :(

2009-04-15T18:56:00.002-06:00

So I'm suppose to go see my pcm tomorrow for my blood pressure. But now I can't since Vance has to go in for training. Yet they let other people out for b.s. reasons. I'm so annoyed right now. I have been having horrible chest pains alot, headaches, blurry vision. Now my my calves hurt so bad, it hurts to walk at times. My legs even give out at times for no freaking reason. I just want to see the dr already. It took over a week to get in since he's so booked. Now I have to reschedule. I just want to get seen and see what is wrong with my body right now. :( I'm scared to be alone at times, scared that something will happen and I won't be able to get help or something. :( I really need to be seen now. Why does his job have to be butts about it. Ugh, I'm off to lay on the couch my legs are killing me. It hurts to do anything. Plus my head is pounding.

Easter Pictures

2009-04-14T15:28:00.003-06:00

Bryce eating his Easter egg cookie.

Aiden sitting in his basket.

Caleb going thru his Easter basket.

Caleb hiding under his hat, and Bryce making funny faces.

All 3 boys

Aiden looks mad in this pic.

Just wanted to post pictures of the boys on Easter for everyone in Texas to see. :)

Pics of the boys from today

2009-04-11T20:06:00.004-06:00

Vance and the kids playing

Bryce with his tonka.

Vance showing Caleb how to steer.

Bryce pushing Caleb around the yard.

Figure I would post some pictures of the boys playing outside today. :)

High Blood Pressure.

2009-04-11T20:00:00.002-06:00

So I still have high blood pressure even after having Aiden. I have my apt for the 16th at 1:40. I'm really nervous about it. First I don't know what test they do for it, and what the treatment for it is. I have google some stuff about it. The more I read the more nervous I become. I know that its getting worse, because I get chest pains, blurred vision and horrible headaches from it. Which are signs of it my ob said. I'm trying to not stress out anymore, trying to watch what I eat and anything else I can to help control it. But no matter what I do the chest pains hit, and I get dizzy right after. Heh, I'm really nervous and haven't stop thinking about it for the last 24hrs. Ugh, I wish my dr would see me before thursday but he's booked til then. This is going to drive me crazy. Maybe I should stop looking things up or find someone who has it to talk to. But no one I know has it so far.

Sorry for the rambing, just really nervous and anxious for thursday to get here already.

He smiled!

2009-04-09T22:22:00.002-06:00

Your are looking at the first picture of my baby boy smiling! He's already starting to smile, and he's such a cutie. I'm loving it! Can't believe he's 7 weeks old already, time is flying by. On top of smiling he's working on rolling over to his tummy already. He can get on his side then he's stuck, lol. But he trys so hard and its fun to watch him go. He will use his legs and push on something trying to scoot. Time is flying by so fast, can't believe how much he's grown already.

Bryce is ready for Easter. He keeps asking me when is the easter bunny coming. He can't wait to get his basket. :) Luckily he hasn't figure out that all the stuff is hidden in our closet I need to put it all together soon. Just been lazy about it. Or am to busy with Aiden at night when Bryce and Caleb are asleep. I'll post pics from easter on here after I take them Easter.

TEXAS!

2009-04-07T20:39:00.002-06:00

So we finally have figure out when we're going to go to Texas. We should be down July 1-15! We're going to start saving 350 every month starting this month all the way til we leave. Which gives us 1050, then the day we leave we'll have another 350 from that check so 1400 all together. So enough to come down and see everyone. :o) I'm so excited to go visit family and friends! Plus get to hang out with Brandi and Krystle! Hehe, so happy! Plus everyone gets to meet Aiden, and my mommy gets to see the boys again. Vance is happy because we will be down for the 4th of July.

On top of that Caleb and Bryce birthdays are coming up real soon. They're growing up way to fast. Bryce will be 4 and Caleb 2. I still need to figure out what to get them for their birthdays. Thinking about getting Bryce a bike for his birthday. That's what he really wants. As for Caleb I'm not sure yet, need to think a little bit. I'm sure I'll figure something out.

Well I need to get off here and feed Aiden.

2009-04-04T13:50:00.005-06:00

So 2 days have gone by since I started dieting. Things are going good. Been counting calories and watching what I eat. I've been taking my alli which so far it hasn't been to bad. Since I don't really eat anything fatting anymore, I haven't had any horrible effects that a few people have told me about. In 2 days, I've lost 4lbs! Can you tell I'm excited? :o)

Ok enough about that. Was playing around with the camera and recorded Caleb saying some words. Of course he didn't want to say much to busy try to get the camera from me. After I turn it off he started saying his body parts. When its on he gets quiet. Here's some of the videos I took.

Here we go..

2009-04-01T18:52:00.002-06:00

I went to my 6 week pp checkup this morning. Everything looks good. My c-section scar is healing good, had my pap. They took cultures, get the results in the mail. I also told my midwife that I was ready to get an IUD. So we set up the apt for the 21. Gives my cultures time to come back, plus she needs to wait til I hit 8wks after having Aiden. She showed me how they insert the IUD. The rod they use to me looks like a fishing pole, lol. She even joked about how it was like they were fishing when they put it in. Showed me how the string is more like fish wire. Vance isn't to thrilled about that, lol. The only concern is my blood pressure is still high. So tomorrow calling my regular PCM to get seen. See if I need meds to control it or will I be fine. As far as working out, she said to start slow. No weights. She wants me to start with just sit ups for the first month and a half. She warned me that my tummy will burn the first few weeks since those muscle can't stretch due to the scar tissue.

It was nice seeing my midwife. She remember the day I was induced. She remembered stripping my membranes and Aiden grabbing her finger. I showed her his picture and she said he was adorable. That she wishes she was on call to see his birth. I really like all the midwives at Evans. They were all so sweet through out my pregnancy with Aiden. The only people I bumped heads with were the doctors. Some just were so negative at times.

So tomorrow I start my dieting, and my sit ups. :o) Looking forward to getting back in shape. I went grocery shopping today and cut out all sweets, and any other junk I use to eat. Replaced it with fruits and veggies. I also bought My Alli. So I will be taking that also to help me shed some weight. I also bought a scale that keeps track of my weight lose, BMI, and water intake. It also records Vance's for him.

I'm very excited about losing weight! Ready to get started! :o)

Pics of kids

2009-03-30T22:54:00.003-06:00

Pics of some snow we got recently. That's all ice where you see grass.

Bryce holding Aiden, he loves holding his baby brother.

Caleb in need of a haircut. I need to get him one soon.

Vance and Aiden, napping together.

I know I just posted an entry. But I wanted to post another one with just pics of the boys. So here are the pictures. Hope everyone likes them. :o)

6wk pp body (pics)

2009-03-30T22:13:00.003-06:00

So I have my 6wk pp check up this Wednesday. Which I'm ready to get it over with, ready for my IUD to be put in. Also looking forward to get the thumbs up to start losing weight. I lost 33lbs when I had Aiden. I'm wanting to loose 30lbs. Thats my goal then I will be completly happy. I know I'll never have a completly flat tummy again since I have some extra skin from all 3 pregnancys. Which I'm fine with, and I don't want to be anerixic like I was before having the boys. Just in a normal, healthy range is my goal. So 30lbs is what I want. I know its going to be hard, and I'm going to hate it sometimes. Especially cutting out sweets. I love chocolate, lol. Its my weakness. But its going to be worth it. Anyways through out this whole process, I'm going to post pics and write entrys. Sometimes to vent when I think I can't do it or to show off my slow progress. So bare with me. :o) Anyways here is me at the moment. Well my trouble section that I hate, my belly. I know its not bad for someone who had 3 kids. But I'm ready to get rid of it.

Side view of my tummy, shirt up

Front view. Yikes, look at my mommy marks! My poor tattoo looks funny now, lol.

Front view with shirt down

Side view with shirt down.

Random short blog

2009-03-22T16:45:00.003-06:00

Aiden's 1 month old pic.

The older 2 asleep in their beds. Can you tell they like Thomas the train?

So the last few days have been interesting. Thursday evening I took Aiden to the E.R. for non-stop vomiting. He just wouldn't stop puking after every feeding. Wasn't wetting any diapers so I was told by his dr to go in asap. Took him in and they were not sure what was wrong. I was told it was either tummy bug or the formula he was on. They told me to only give him pedialyte for 24hrs, which we did. He did just fine on pedialyte. Then he was put on formula and pefialytle diet. I just switch it out every feeding. The pedialyte he would hold down, the formula just came up. So we change and started giving him Enfamil Gentle Ease. Ever since then he's been happy and doing great. No crying from tummy aches, or puking. Just back to his happy lil self. At the moment he's passed out beside. Just finish 4oz of gentle ease. So we're keeping him on this for now on. He has a follow up with his dr tomorrow morning.

Vance and I have decided that he shouldn't get a vasectomy now. Instead I'm getting an IUD put in at my checkup. We were talking and don't want to be able to have another child years down the line. Probably 2-3yrs from now. :o) When Aiden is 2 at least and I have given myself the whole 2yrs to heal from having a kid. I'll probably have a repeat c-section next time. So in the end we'll have 4 kids.

Not much to really write about. Haven't found Bryce a school yet, only one we liked was to far and would cost to much in gas to get to everyday. So that one was out. I think I found another but not sure yet, need to talk to them. See if we like the school.

Well I need to get off here, have things to get done around the house. Oh we're going to try to come down to Texas sometime this summer. Just not sure when yet. Whenever we figure it out I'll let everyone know.

My babies.

2009-03-16T21:32:00.003-06:00

The boy's baby pics.

Aiden chilling in his crib before bedtime.

I was trying to get his whole crib in the pic. Try again another time.

I can't believe I'm a mommy of 3 adorable little boys. I was going thru their baby pics when I decided to post all 3 of their newborn photos. They all look alike in so many ways. I can't believe Bryce and Calebs birthdays are coming up very soon. Caleb will be 2 and Bryce 4. Time flys by so fast. On Wednesday, Aiden will be 1 month old. In no time he'll be one. I know its going to fly by so fast, and I'm trying to enjoy it all.

I'm looking for a good school to put Bryce in. So far no luck, I haven't really found any I like. Bryce wants me to hurry up, he's ready to be a big boy like everyone else. Just so picky on who I leave him with all day. So paranoid that something will happen to him. I know every parent is like that.

He was in trouble today, he some how manage to sneak some toys down the toilet. So had to have a plumber come in and unclog the toilet. 3 actions figures, block and wrist rattle. He had to pull the toilet off to get it all out. So that was fun to deal with. The plumber was talking about how kids love to mess things up. Went on to tell us about his 17yr old wrecking the 6,000 dollar car he bought her into a rock. She didn't even have it that long. Said she told him she slid on ice, he went out there, no ice. He knows she was on her cell probably talking and wrecked. Just told us that kids will cost you lots of money being kids. But you still loved them no matter what. Which is true, I hope the boys don't wreck talking on cell phones though, lol.

Caleb is doing good. He's getting better at talking, and everything. He even was promoted from his high chair to the table. Which he loves, he never wants to go back in his high chair. He's learning more and more everyday. He loves pointing and telling me body parts, and he likes to say numbers. Bryce will be counting and Caleb will jump in and say a few numbers, not in the right order but he trys.

Aiden is cooing now, and trying to roll over already. He's been working on holding his head up when he's on his tummy. He can go for a few seconds before needing a break. Then he'll try again. Can't believe he'll be a month in a few days. My last baby growing up. :o(

Well I guess I'll get off of here. Oh thinking about changing my blog header to this, I love it. Thanks Kim for making it for me! :o)

bathing in food coloring!

2009-03-11T17:01:00.005-06:00

Bryce waiting for bath time

Caleb taking a pic of himself.

Aiden chilling in his bouncer.

This is Aiden's, I'm full face.

I love his feet!

I found a way to make bath time fun. I let the boys pick from food coloring and in the end they were happily playing in red water. Its easy to do, makes them happy and no mess. Doesn't stain the tub or them. Next bath they decided they want green water, so green it shall be. Caleb doesn't even fight me when its time to wash his hair, he's to busy splashing in the color water. Only problem was convincing Bryce it wasn't blood. Vance told them it was blood, so Bryce freaked out til I showed him it wasn't. Anyways here's a few pics of them splashing in red water. Plus a few other ones to look at, and a video of Aiden chilling. Ignore the older two running around, they were chasing Panda. They love to run around with Panda first thing in the morning.

I need a break or something.

2009-03-10T16:27:00.003-06:00

So I just feel like venting because I need to. I'm way to stressed out, and tired. I'm happy that Aiden is finally here. Just everything is so hard it seems. My body feels like crap all the time it seems. My stitches hurt, and are draining really bad the last few days. It hurts to touch my stomach at all lately. Now I'm bleeding like no tomorrow, sorry if that tmi. Not getting much sleep at night, Aiden is up always hungry or just wants to hang out with me. Plus he's been having really hard poopies, so he screams when he is pushing. Poor baby.

The older two thinks its fun to push my buttons more then ever. Especially when I'm feeding the baby. They take advantage of it and attack anything in site. Oh and if daddy isn't home, they think its ok to break all the rules and do whatever they want. Which can be fraustrating.

Today is a bad day my chest is killing me. Been having chest pains really bad on and off the last hr. Feels like I'm being stabbed in the heart over and over. Its pretty painful when they hit. Trying my best to relax since its probably from being stressed. But Bryce and Caleb are making it impossible for me to sit down and rest. One of them are always up to no good. They take turns getting into stuff or not listening.

I need to get out of this house and get some alone time. Just for a few hrs do something by myself out of the house will do me some good at the moment. I just can't take it. I'm always stressed out it seems. I'm trying to not be so stressed but I am. *sighs* Aiden is crying for is next feeding so I need to get off here. Just wanted to vent for a few.

Aiden's Checkup, First outing with all 3

2009-03-04T19:31:00.002-07:00

We went to Aiden's 2 week checkup today. He's doing good, the dr looked at his bleeding belly button and said its ok. Just to keep an eye on his temperature. He now weighs 6lbs 11oz. An oz less then his birth weight, but his getting back up there. He was only 6lbs 4oz when he left the hospital, so he's slowly putting weight back on.

As for his sleeping scheldule, still getting use to it. Still getting use to his crys. So things around here are still hetic. Today only dishes and some laundry got done, we're so tired today. Vance had a midshift last night, so he's in bed early to catch up on no sleep for the last 24hrs. I'm heading that way after Aiden gets his bath and feeds again in a little bit. I'm very tired, and can't stop yawning. Trying not to fall asleep as I type this. My eyelids are so heavy though.

I went to the ob clinic before Aiden's apt today. They glued the right side shut, where my stitches had open. So hopefully I'll be fine til everything heals. She first checked for infection, and there was none. The q-tip she use to dig inside of me hurt like hell though. I couldn't help but tear up while she was chacking for pus and cleaning it out. No infection though, just red, swollen, tender skin now. It hurts to walk at the moment since she cleaned it out. But I'm glad its not infected and closed up.

Today was our first outing with all 3 kids. Bryce and Caleb did ok til we got to labs for Aiden. Then Caleb started having a meltdown, he laid on the floor crying from being tired. He's so use to being carried around when we use to go out, that all the walking from the hospital killed his little legs. Bryce did very good, he was such a big boy. So it wasn't bad being at the hospital for a few hrs. Vance some how manage to get all 3 carseats in my little car. There is no room in the backseat at all now, but happy to know they all fit back there. We plan to get a bigger vehicle later on.

Well I'm going to get off here, Aiden is up for his bath and next feeding. Then I'm taking my butt to bed til his next feeding.

Aiden, Stitches, no sleep.

2009-03-03T21:20:00.004-07:00

(He was very hungry while getting his pictures done, so very grouchy baby.)

Aiden's hospital pictures finally came in yesterday. Including his birth announcements, which I'm mailing out in the next few days. Unfortunatly they messed up the cd-rom order and only gave me 4 poses on disc. When we paid for all 8 on the disc in our package. So I have to call them up tomorrow to correct it.

In other news, my stitches look infected on the right side. Plus the right side is still open up while the left side is closed and scabbed over. So going to call ob clinic and get seen asap. Not looking forward to seeing the dr, I did everything Dr. Jones said. So why its coming open I have no idea, and don't feel like getting bitched at.

The boys are doing good. Aiden has his 2wk check up tomorrow at 3. He has to get some blood test done and all the fun stuff. Vance is taking him since I can't drive for another week, so I won't be there to see my baby cry. I always feel bad when they have to get poked. I know he won't remember but I still feel bad. I'm not looking forward to when I have to take all 3 of them to the dr for shots.

Vance worked his first midshift since Aiden was born yesterday. Which was a fun night of cranky Aiden. Everytime I fell asleep he was waking me up to eat. So barely getting any sleep, tonight is another midshift. Doubt I'll get any sleep really tonight. Vance has dr apt tomorrow morning so not going to get any sleep then either. Plus we have an inspection tomorrow morning. Not looking forward to that. They come in and say they'll fix shit but never do. Its just a big headache.

We had a scare yesterday, Aidens belly button was bleeding. His cord fell out the day before, but yesterday he was screaming and blood was coming out of his belly button. It freaked me out a little since Bryce and Caleb belly button never did that. The dr said to just keep an eye on it, they'll look at it tomorrow. So hopefully its ok, and not getting infected.

*yawns* I'm going to get off here and get some sleep. I'll write again, tomorrow after Aiden's checkup.

First Day Alone With All 3

2009-02-28T19:22:00.006-07:00

The boys early this morning.

Aiden in deep sleep

Bryce trying to help mommy

Caleb chilling out.

Bryce showing off his new clothes

More sleepy baby

My mom left this morning, and Vance went back to work. Leaving just me and all 3 boys. First day alone with all 3 since Aiden's birth. Of course it wasn't a piece of cake. The older 2 decided to do everything their not suppose to when I was breastfeeding Aiden. Everytime I needed to feed him they would get into something. Especially Caleb, he's acting out so much lately. Ever since he hit 18 months he started not listening. He's 21 months now, and still doesn't want to behave.

I know that I still can't do much for a few weeks from the c-section. According to Dr. Jones not even allowed to vacuum for 4wks at least. No driving for 3wks. He says to take it easy and not lift anything really. So house work is limited at the moment for me. I did 2 loads of dishes and some laundry that needed to be done. But other then that, I haven't done much today. Just been busy with all 3 boys.

I'm enjoying the quiet time I have at the moment. All 3 boys are passed out for bed. Well Aiden will be up soon to eat and for his night time bath. But the older 2 have been bathe, fed and put to bed. So at least thats 2 down for the night, right? Some peace and quiet for me.

As for the nights with Aiden, he usually gets up 2 to 3 times a night to eat. Usually take an hr and a half everytime to change, feed, and rock him to sleep. Luckily if Vance doesn't have to work that morning, he takes care of the boys while I get a few hrs in the morning. So I'm managing to get by with some sleep.

Well I'm going to get off here and get ready to bathe Aiden, he's waking up. Hope everyone likes the pics I added to this entry. :o)

Aiden Tyler is here!

2009-02-24T17:49:00.005-07:00

My sweet baby boy

Aiden with his daddy

Love his tiny toes

Aiden in the special care unit

Mommy visiting him in special care unit

My kiddos

Granny and Aiden

Thats right my last little boy is finally here. I was induced on the 17 at 8pm. Labor til 1opm on the 18, then was sent for a c-section when I couldn't dilate pass 5cm and Aiden would not come down at all. Omg, I never want a c-section every again. Nothing seem to work and they had to keep trying to knock me out when I would feel pain from it. Aiden was born at 11:19pm, weighing 6lbs and 12oz, 18.5 inches long. He's my tinest baby and yet the most stubborn to come out. He had to spend 4 days in the hospital after a hard start. Was in the special care unit for 3 days, then I had him in my room for the last day. I'm so happy to have our last little boys here, our family is complete. He's very quiet and doesn't cry much at all. Only time you really hear anything is every 2hrs when its time to breastfeed him, and he's really hungry. Bryce and Caleb are adjusting to having a little brother. Bryce is wanting to help and hold him, while Caleb is still wanting to be the baby of the family. So its been fun helping him adjust. Well I would type more but need to get off here, and feed Aiden again. Hope everyone likes the pictures. Sorry I didn't post anything sooner, been busy since we been home.

Still waiting...baby checkup tomorrow.

2009-02-16T22:51:00.002-07:00

I just figure I would update everyone from my 24hr urine labs and all that fun crap. I went in saturday with my mommy, yes my mommy is here now! :o) Anyways I had fun with blood pressure monitoring. It wasn't to high, not enough to take action. Did some blood work, and that looked fine as well. Then he checked me and sent me home. He said if I was a cm more he would have induced me. All he could say is I won't make it to my due date, not much longer. I was a little upset, was hoping to have Aiden here already. I've been going out and getting my "waddling" on trying to get Aiden to come on already. Few contractions on and off, lots of pressure. I see the dr tomorrow at 5:20, hoping they can strip membranes, or set up some time for me to be induced. My freaking ankles are killing me tonight. My feet and ankles are swollen, I look like I just developed cankles. My pelvic area freaking hurts, feel like my hips are about to split me in half. Sleeping, thats a joke. Plus everyone that has the same due date as me, are having their kids. Or are getting induce this week, I hate military hospitals! I want this kid out of me already. I swear I'm going to cry and beg the midwife tomorrow to let me have him or set a date for him to get out. I just want to be done with pregnancy already. Blah everyone pray they let me have baby soon. Blah, I'm taking my grouchy, cankle self to bed. Well going to try to get some sleep, if he quits kicking me. Night, everyone.

37 Week Baby checkup

2009-02-12T09:39:00.002-07:00

Went to my weekly check up this morning. Still only dilated 1cm but am now 50% effaced. So thats some change this week. Starting Friday morning I get to start collecting urine for 24hrs so that she can do protein count for preclampsia. I turn it in 24hrs later on Saturday in L&D for testing. While she's testing it, I get to lay on the monitors. Depending on the results of the test we might be having Aiden this weekend. Glad my mom is heading up here tomorrow, since Aiden might be here this weekend. Part of me wants to be induced saturday the other part wants to try to go on my own for labor. I want to go on my own since I've never went into labor on my own, other part wants to hurry up and have Aiden. She felt around on my belly and says she puts him a 7 1/2lbs right now. So not to big for 37wks. Bryce was only 7lbs and that was 38wks, Caleb 8lbs 2 1/2oz at 40wks and 5days. Nothing much else to post on here, just wait and see what saturday brings. Hopefully Aidens birthday, would be nice. :o) I have so much to get done tomorrow just in case he does he to come out this weekend. Going to get off here, and rest for a bit.

Everything hurts, been up all night in pain.

2009-02-11T05:01:00.002-07:00

So its now 5am and I have been up all night in pain. Vance is at work til 7 this morning. I've been up all night in pain with contractions, and nothing is helping with the pain. No I can't go to L&D, I'm full term and won't see me til contractions are every 3 minutes. Which their not, so I get to lay here and suffer in pain. I wish he would just come out already, everything hurts so bad. I wish I could just sleep thru them or something. The boys are still asleep, they shouldn't be up for another hr or so. I hope the contractions stop soon so I can sleep or get to where I can have baby already. Seriously this waiting crap is getting on my nerves and its just to painful at the moment. I'm ready for my apt on thursday, hope they can strip my membranes. Just want to get this over with already. I guess I'm going to stop rambling on here, lay back on the couch til Vance gets home. Even though there isn't much he can do.

37wks, preadmissions, nursery.

2009-02-07T08:51:00.002-07:00

This picture is exactly how I felt standing in line for preadmission for L&D. I had to stand, yes stand for 40 minutes. Your probably going why didn't you sit the whole time. Well because all the lovely military guys waiting in line took all the damn seats. So my feet were killing me by the time I left the hospital. Glad I finally got my stork pass, so I can park in the front row. Its nice not having to walk to row 8 anymore. They had me fill out everything. I had to fill out my folder for my hospital stay to come. Plus start Aidens medical record, and do his birth certificate already. Only thing I didn't do is put his name on it. We know what we're naming him, but they don't let you fill it out just in case its not the baby sex you thought you were having. I know I'm having a boy, I have his 3d ultrasound on dvd. You see his penis like 20 times on it. He's definatly all boy!

I'm officially 37wks today, woohoo!!! Which means they won't stop me from going into labor. So if he says he wants out, then he will be making his arrival. Now we play the waiting game. My mom should be here next saturday/sunday. Depends how long she takes to drive up here from Texas. I don't think he'll be here by then. I'm thinking sometime after next weekend he'll be making his arrival but I could be wrong. I have my next apt on the 12. Wonder is they will check to see if I have dilated anymore. I'm not going to get my membranes strip til my mom gets here. Probably get it done at my 38wk checkup on the 17. Going to hold him in til she's here.

We've been working on his room the last 2 days. All his furniture is put together, plus I washed all his clothes from 0-6months. Took 4 loads, but he has a dresser/closet full. He's set til 6 month mark, I'll go thru more clothes then. I have all his blankies/towels/burping clothes/etc. under his crib in the pull out drawer. I love his furniture so pretty, and it smells good. I love cherry colored wood its my fave. We need to hang all his avaitor set decorations up later on this week, and I still have to buy his glider when Vance gets paid again. So much stuff in his room, I'm still figuring out how to fit it all in there. Might have to keep his swing in the living room.

Bryce was very excited to wake up to Aiden's furniture put together. He ran to the cirb looked inside, then was upset. He doesn't get why Aiden isn't out of my belly yet. He keeps asking when the dr is going to take him out so he can come home and play. He thinks the baby comes out of my belly button, that the dr cuts it open. Everyday he asks when his baby brother will be here. Or when granny is coming so baby can come out.

The boys are out growing their toddler beds fast. So we're going to be buying bunk bed with some of our tax refund. Found a really nice set online that we're going to get them. It has drawers and everything with it. Plus it has a nice staircase for Bryce to walk up to his bed. I would be paranoid that he would slip if we got one with just a ladder. Hopefully they'll like the bunk beds when we get them. Probably put thier toddler beds on craigslist since their in good shape.

Not sure what else to write on here today. So going to close here and get some stuff done around the house this morning.

Todays Baby Check up

2009-02-04T21:59:00.002-07:00

So today I went in for my weekly baby check up. Fun huh? Lets see I gained 2lbs in a week. So now I've put on 30lbs. Yes 30lbs, and I'm a little annoyed about it. Was doing so good and then all this weight hit. Ugh I hope most of it goes away when he pops out. His heartbeat was fine this apt, it was 154. Nice and steady. For some reason my pulse was racing. It went down after a little while, then my blood pressure went up. So they checked everything out and I was fine. She also said he was head down, and from what she can tell he has finally dropped. So I'm happy, that would explain all the pain in my hips. Feel like my hips are going to fall off sometimes. Unfortunatly nothing I can take for it, just have to wait it out. She says he's probably around 7lbs at the moment. So nice healthy, fat baby. :o) Just like his daddy was, lol. I go back on the 12 for my next check up. Of the joys of seeing the dr so often. No cervix check this week, she said they like to wait til 38wks before they check on a weekly bases. Works for me, trying to hold him in til my mommy can get up here. I was also waiting because I wanted his furniture to be here, but the rest of it is coming in tomorrow. So need to put it together, will vance is going to. Put all his stuff up for him and set everything up. I'm getting more nervous as time gets closer. I hope I can handle 3 kids. A little nervous about it. Anyways I need to get off here, take some acid reflex meds. My throat feels like its on fire, Aiden better be as hairy as his daddy!

Random things

2009-02-03T19:28:00.002-07:00

Just things I read online that made me laugh some. Yes I'm very bored, taking it easy and not being able to do anything is driving me crazy. I like having a break from all the house work, but laying around all day sucks. I see the dr tomorrow for my weekly check up, keeping my fingers cross that I don't get admitted. Trying to hold him in a little longer, well at least til my mom gets here. Plus I would like his furniture to get here first so I can have his room ready for when he comes home. If everything goes well when I get home I'll update everyone on how the apt went.

The toddler property laws remind me of Caleb, in the last week he has started to rebel. Seems to already being going thru the his terrible 2's 4 months early. Potty training woes made me giggle some. Bryce is doing good with his potty training, he went all day today with no accidents. I think he's getting the potty training down, plus it helps that he gets a treat everytime he goes. Still using pull ups at night, not pushing it all at once. Just happy he can wear underwear all day now. :o) Anyways have fun giggling at the stuff below.

Toddler Property Laws

If I want it, it's mine.
If it's in my hand, it's mine.
If I can take it away from you, it's mine.
If I had it a little while ago, it's mine.
If it's mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way.
If we are building something together, all of the pieces are mine.
If it looks just like mine, it's mine.
If I think it's mine, it's mine.
If I give it to you, and change my mind later, it's mine.
Once it's mine it will never belong to anyone else, no matter what.

Potty Training Woes

I tell you Gramma, I'm in a mess,
that is why I'm sending this s.o.s.
my mom has started a new campaign-
she thinks I am old enough to train.
and I tell you, Gramma, that all this strife,
is taking the joy plum out of my life.
She won't let me have any peace at all,
and shows no mercy, even when I bawl.
She grabs me up (scares me to death)
and acts afraid to take a deep breath.
and I try to make a quick retreat,
but always end up on that goofy seat.
she brings a cracker for me to nibble,
and sweetly begs for me to "dribble".
so, I comply with her beck and call,
then watch as she wipes up floor and wall
now I really glory in all the loud praise
though I'll never understand in all my born days-
but if it pleases her and makes her glad,
I'll try to be a helpful lad.
but now , Gramma, I must say goodbye
'cause here she comes with that look in her eye!
I'll hide right here and await my fate,
for she doesn't know it, but she's a little late!

(not sure who wrote this, the site didn't say.)

Hospital feels like my new home.

2009-02-01T18:35:00.002-07:00

So yesterday morning I had the joys of getting hard contractions waking me up from dead sleep. Oh the joys, I couldn't move when they hit. So after a few hrs of on and off contractions, plus lots of pressure and pain. I went to L&D to get checked out. They checked my cervix and nothing. So I chilled getting monitor for awhile. Since again baby heartbeat was very high, plus I was running a fever. Plus they took some urine since I had horrible pains in my back. Labs came back clean, baby heartbeat finally started to slow as contractions went away. They checked me one more time, and I went from 0 to 1cm. Doesn't seem like much, but made me giggle. I never even made it to 1cm with the boys. So this was happy news for me. In the end she wrote me a prescription to kill all pain I was having, sent me home all drugged up. Told me to come back if my fever went up anymore, or if the pain didn't go away with the pills she gave me. The pain is gone, I still have lots of pressure and a few contractions on and off. They want me to keep Aiden in til at least next sunday, but the way he's going I don't see him making it that long. Guess I'll have to watch and wait. I am stuck laying around the house with the pills she gave me. She said I'm not allowed to do anything, not even allowed to cook. Just lay here with my feet up and sleeping from the pills. I feel so drugged up, all I've been able to do is sleep. I think I've gotten 18hrs of sleep in the last 24hrs. Plus I hate not being able to clean, Vance is doing an awesome job at being Mr. Mom, but I feel crappy since I can't help him out. I'm glad his work didn't mind finding replacements so he could stay home with me like the dr ordered. She even wrote him a note to get out of work. Just in case Aiden does make his appereance or if I need to be seen asap.

The puppys are doing better, no more scratching or anything. Caleb did the treatment for scabies and doesn't scratch anymore either. So happy news, no more itchiness for anyone. We washed everything so everyone is good now.

Bryce is actually using the potty now, he still has accidents. But no more pullups for him, he went underwear shopping which makes him feel more like a big boy. I'm happy that he is actually making an effort. He lets us know when he needs to go and runs to his potty. So hopefully he'll get it down full time soon.

Well going to get off here, time for the boys to go to bed. Going to go tuck them in for the night.

From check up to L&D

2009-01-28T21:06:00.003-07:00

So went to my check up today, and was sent straight to L&D. My blood pressure was high and little Aiden's heartbeat was in the 190's so she was worried he might be have cord problems. His heartbeat went back to normal when my blood pressure finally went back down. But I have to go in every week to be monitor and must go in if anything happens. My headaches have been from my blood pressure. Dr says she pretty sure pre-eclampsia is going to hit soon. So little Aiden will probably be here soon. Nervous and excited to meet our little boy. Plus now I need to really get everything set up for him, been taking my time. Also can't do anything but chill out at home to help keep blood pressure down. Oh the joys of pregnancy. I'll be 36 wks in a few more days, so he should make it to term. She thinks in 10days or so we might need to induce if blood pressure keeps up. I don't know if I'm dilating or anything, after she saw my blood pressure and his heartbeat she sent me straight upstairs. So I'll have to get that check at my next apt. Well going to get off here, and relax on the couch til bed.

Caleb's check up and hospital visit

2009-01-28T11:07:00.002-07:00

Been meaning to update on Caleb's apt he went to last thursday. He's is nice and healthy little boy. He is in the 60% range for height and 30% range for weight. His head is still big for his age but hasn't grown any so the dr are not worrying about it. He'll have a big head like his daddy the dr said. He also is on track with his motor skills and vocabulary. The apt went easier then I was expecting, usually he's grouchy and doesn't like the dr. But this dr he really liked, especially since the dr kept dropping things and tripping. Caleb couldn't stop laughing and did what he asked. He knows 16 words right now, and is making 2 word senteces. My baby is growing up so fast. Also seems like he is going thru the terrible 2's already, he's been a little monster lately. He learned to jump the baby gates, he is always sneaking in to the bathroom cabinets, etc. A little nervous about having 3 boys soon. Starting to worry that I won't be able to handle it.

Yesterday afternoon I went to L&D to get checked out. I have had the worse headache for 4 days, dizzy and seeing spots. Since I have a history of pre - eclampsia, they had me come in right away. We did every test, no pre-e. So I'm happy about that. They also gave me some drugs in an IV for my headache. Which worked, so I was able to come home and finally sleep one night thru. Unfortunatly, the headache is back nothing seems to help. I have my check up today so we'll see what he can give me. Plus I want to get check since I have been having on and off contractions lately. I'm 35wks and 5days. I was told last night if I go into labor, they won't stop it. They feel confident enough that Aiden will be able to breath and everything. So I'm happy that I don't have to worry about him not breathing or anything. I wish I knew something that worked on this killer headache I have, tylenol is pointless! Does nothing for me. I miss ibuprofen right now.
I feel so crappy right now, just laying around watching the boys play.

Well I'm going to get off here, and lay back down on the couch. The computer is not helping my headache right now.

Ugh everything hurts

2009-01-27T14:29:00.002-07:00

I see the doctor tomorrow night at 6. Wish it was sooner, I have had the worse headaches the last few days. Plus contractions are getting stronger whenever they hit. Just feel like crap. My head always hurts, sometimes I see spots. Tylenol is crap. I hate it, doesn't do anything for me. I miss ibuprofen so bad. I just one day where I don't feel completely like shit. I don't sleep really at all anymore, I can barely get comfortable to even sit for more then 5 minutes. Just my whole body feels like shit. I've been trying to keep the house spotless, but its getting to hard. I can barely keep an eye on the boys with out cleaning. They take advantage of me being slow to catch them up to no good. Just everything seems to suck right now. Laundry is backing up again. I'm trying really hard to do everything but I don't think I can anymore. I mean the littlest thing takes alot out of me. The other day I had to clean puppy mess, make boys breakfast, clean house while having horrible contractions. It sucks, the contractions are getting stronger every time they hit. They always have to hit when I have tons of things to do. Just ready to be done with this pregnancy, I'm tired of feeling like crap. Or having this apartment look like crap, so I can get a few minutes off my feet. The mess drives me up the wall, I just have to clean or I won't be able to relax. Ugh, be 36wks on saturday. Almost done, just wish time would pass by faster.

Sorry for rambling and bitching. Just needed to blow off steam. Only way I can really it seems.

Goofy Kids.

2009-01-21T21:47:00.002-07:00

So I figured I would write an entry. Since Vance is at work, the boys are asleep and I'm bored. The last days have been tiring. I haven't slept much at all lately, I turn and toss. I don't think there is any comfortable position to sleep in any more. Tylenol does not work at all. Which is all I can have, but it does nothing. I pop them like candy it seems. When I go in on the 28 going to see if there is anything they can give me. Doubt it since I'll be a few days shy of 36wks then. I'm happy that Aidens due date is almost here. He's already dropped, so I waddle all the time, trying not to pee on myself with I sneeze or cough. Enough boring baby talk.

Lets move on to my goofy children and the odd things they do. Starting with Bryce, who decided that it would be cool to shove a marble in his nose. Yes, a marble. He was very proud of himself when he told me what he did. Luckily it wasn't to bad, so Vance was able to get it out in no time. Still can't believe he was so bored and decided to just shove one up his nose. Goofy child.

Caleb is going thru the nakie phase. He is constantly getting naked and running around proud of himself. I know its a phase all kids go thru, just ready for him to grow out of it. I figure making sure he is wearing pants all the time would stop him from taking off his diaper. But nothing can stop Caleb and his nakiness. Today he ran up to me naked hitting his pee pee, calling it "chub chub" not sure why. He thinks its the funniest thing ever, just falls down laughing when he says it.

Another fun thing Bryce has learned is that any appliances that act up are a "piece of crap". Thanks to daddy, kicking the dishwasher calling it that. So now when it acts up, Bryce will yell, " Dad, the piece of crap is acting up again!". Yes my child now only calls it a piece of crap. Such a goofy child. He picks up on everything we say, trying really hard not to use bad language. So is Vance.

If your around and here my kids says shadoobie, its because mommy has replace the word shit with shadoobie. Rather them say that then shit, because I messed up and let it slip. I've replaced other bad words for when I slip up. Just can't seem to remember them at the moment. I'm actually getting sleepy. Guess I should get to bed, need to take Caleb to his checkup and shots tomorrow morning. So night everyone, I'm off to try and get some sleep. If Aiden doesn't kick me all night.

34 weeks

2009-01-18T07:36:00.002-07:00

So I'm 34 weeks now. Not to much closer to popping which is good. I can't sleep at night, can't get comfortable most the time. During the day I can barely be out doing errands before my feet and ankles swell. But not to much longer til Aiden gets here. I'm counting down right now. We went to Target yesterday and got the playpen for him. Instead of paying 150 for it, I was able to get it at Target for 69.99. Not bad huh? Then at walmart I was able to get him the swing I wanted for 80 instead of 115 like it was not to long ago. I love baby sales. We also bought some bottles, monitors and little things for him. My mom is sending the crib the last wednesday of this month. So we're getting there. Instaed of getting him a dresser going to do this fun cube project. Hmm let me find a pic online and I'll post it so everyone knows what I'm talking about. Right now all his baby stuff is in his room, we're going to put it all together when we get the crib. Just need winter baby clothes right now. I only have summber baby clothes, since the other 2 were summer babies.

So I've been measuring when Aiden kicks and punches. From where I feel both hits there is 17.5 inches in between. Which sounds about right since all the baby weekly things I get say he should be around 18 inches. Guess we'll have to wait til he gets here to see how much he measure and weighs. Though he'll gain more til then. 15lbs so far gained, that isn't to bad, right? I don't think it is. But my midwife said to not gain anymore, how do I do that? I'm trying not to but its hard.

The boys are doing good, getting into trouble as usual. Well mostly Caleb, all of a sudden he is in everything and telling me no when I tell him to quit. The terrible 2's have already started. My little monkey is now a rebel like his big brother. They keep me pretty busy all day, chasing them around the house. Bryce is starting to help me more though, calls himself mommys helper.

Oreo and Panda are not scratching as bad they use to. Though they have to get another injection on the 30, plus more dewormer then too. So far I haven't seen any worms since they got that either. So they're doing better, just chilling around the house. Wish I could get Caleb in sooner then the 22, he's scratching his legs to nothing. Freaking doctors won't see him til then. I really hate going on base. Wish I could take them to a dr out in town. Hell I wish I could deliver out in town. But its not going to happen.

Well I need to get off here and feed the boys breakfast, hope everyone is doing good.

Puppies vet apt

2009-01-16T16:06:00.002-07:00

So took the puppies in for an apt today. Turns out they have mange, so they got their first shot treatment today and go back on the 30. Taking Caleb to the dr to get medicine since he has it and needs to be treated. Probably going to have Bryce treated as well. Never knew humans could get it til today. Figure caleb had dry skin. So now I have to clean everything the dogs have been on. Caleb wont be able to see the dr for it til the 22nd. Since they are booked and won't see him til then. They can be so annoying, why can't they hurry up and see him so I can get this crap out of the house already. Going to drive me crazy. Blah this is going to be a fun 2 weeks. Not looking for to this at all. Glad everyone is getting treated, sucks that it had to be something like this. Can't have anyone over because its contagious to them. So no weekend plans now, just chilling by myself. What fun. Anyways going to get off her, have to start cleaning.

Dear You (vent)

2009-01-16T09:23:00.003-07:00

Dear YOU

I'm starting to hit my breaking point and don't know how much more I can take. You have wore me down so much in the last 6 months and it is really starting to take its toll. I tell myself you don't mean it and that your just having a bad day. But seriously how can a bad day be 6 months long. I've tried to talk to you, thinking maybe you would hear me out and change. But it doesn't seem to phase you at all. I will do everything I can to make sure you come home and aren't in a bad mood. But no matter how much I clean, take care of the kids or anything. It never seems to be enough. So I've come to realize you need to change yourself, you need to control your attitude, and quit taking everything out on us. I know money hasn't been the best but blaming someone for everything is not right. Sometimes I just don't want to get up because I'm to tired to argue with you over the littlest thing that sets you off. Sometimes the remarks you make really hurt and I don't think you get that. Maybe if we reverse rolls you would see how much I'm hurting when your in a bad mood. But I would never take everything out on you like you do me. No one deserves it and I wish you would wake up and see it. Because I don't know how much more I can take of it. I'm tired of pretending everything will get better and that I'm not hurt by things you say. I can't take it anymore, I'm to tired to deal with it. I wish you could understand what it does to me but you never seem to. I love you but things have got to change.

Bored at the library

2009-01-13T12:18:00.002-07:00

Figure I would update this since I have 23 minutes left here at the library. Why am I at the library because my internet is down til thrusday. Unfortunatly with losing the net my phone service vonage does not work. So those won't work til thursday morning for now. Sorry if you have tried to call since last friday and have gotten some kind of error msg.

Luckily my buddy Krystle has been in town this whole week so it hasn't been to boring. :o) To bad tomorrow she has to go back to Texas..boo! Which means I have to drive to denver at the crack of dawn..more boo! Its such a long boring drive to do.

The kids are doing good, getting bigger. Learning new things everyday, while causing trouble. Can we say double trouble. Plus I have Oreo and Panda who make it more fun at the house to clean up after.

Caleb needs to get his shots and check up this month, plus I have to take the pups in for a check up and shots. Not looking forward to going to the vet, then I have to explain why Lucy isn't with us anymore. I dunno keep thinking the vet will think we're horrible or something. I know I'm weird. I took oreo outside for the first time yesterday, she took one step out the door and ran back in. Panda was way to scared to even go outside. She's more of I'm hiding in my safe zone type. Its cute. Going to work on training them from puppy pads to oustide coming up this week. Since they are 6wks, getting shots this week and have already had their first heartgaurd meds. They are growing so fast, their off the formula now. Oreo eats like a horse always hogging the food from her sister.

I'll be 34wks this saturday. Finally going to work on the babys nursery! :o) Anyone want to help? He'll be here in the next 6 wks, can't wait to meet the little booger who kicks me all night long. At my next check up on the 20, going to get my L&D/mother baby unit tour. That should be fun. My mom needs to get her butt up here soon, I have this weird feeling he'll be here soon. My body seems to be preparing for labor early this time. So mom get up here, lol! Seriously, you need to soon. :o)

Nothing much left to say need, to get ready to log off here. Need to head home so Vance can go to college and work on a paper he has due. Plus he has classes til 8:30 tonight. Hope everyone is doing good, take care!

Letting steam out

2009-01-06T19:22:00.002-07:00

Ok so I'm having a horrible last couple of days, and need to vent it out. Hoping I'll feel better.

First off, I seriously hate people. Seriously, so many assholes out there. I've came across 2 in the last week, don't know them personally but I can say they're assholes and mean it. First one I ran into while grocery shopping at walmart. I had over did it and ended up needing 2 buggys to get everything out to my car. Obviously I'm to prego to take both on my own. So I ask the nice cashier to call me a cart boy to help me. Which she does and very friendly about it. Well the asshole behind me waiting to check out, start with some baby daddy comments. Saying shit like "oh whats wrong don't have a babys daddy to help you?" and "or is you don't know who the daddy is?'. Seriously I just wanted to fucking drop kick his ass. Unfortunatly I said nothing to him and just waited for the cart boy to come help me.

Second asshole I met today at walmart while doing self checkout on my own. He decided to making farting noises and blame me to his girlfriend. Then made mooing noises in til I was done, saying shit. Apperently I wasn't going fast enough for him. So he decided to make fat comments. Again I said nothing, and since I"m a little down on how big I am this pregnancy, I let it get to me. I shouldn't have. But I did, and in the car I cried on the way home.

I hate that people can be such asshole and make such rude remarks to total strangers. That is why I want to stay home so I don't have to deal with asshole likes that ever. I don't, but I wish I could stay in away from the outside world at times.

I got my hair cut a few days ago, told the lady not to cut shorter then a lil below my shoulders. She cut my hair to my chin! So now I have a funky haircut, and have to wait for my hair to grow back. Hoping my hair will grow really fast and in no time it will look better. But still could not get pass how short she went on it. She was counting that it was wet and when it drys it would be shorter then when its wet. Maybe I should buy a wig or something to cover it up.

On to more reasons why I need to post this blog to feel better. Our washer broke this weekend. Well it won't drain, so I can't wash anything at all in it. Our apartment people came over yesterday said " oh yea its broke, we'll send someone tomorrow to fix it.' Well guess what today, they sent no one. We called and asked how long it would be and can we get another one put it. They said they can take up to however long they like and that they don't have to give us another one, that its a luxury and not important. So now I have to wait til who knows when for them to fix the damn thing. Which means I have to spend money for a laundry mat so I can have clean clothes for my family. The fact that I moved into an apartment and pay so I can have one in it means nothing to these assholes. In fact I have a huge hoke in my bathroom wall from before I moved in that they still have not fixed. Hmm maybe I should get them in trouble since when the state came out and said it could grow mold and needs to be fixed now. Maybe then they'll be nice to us and help us out. Since we never have asked for anything else, and have be very nice tenants. I can't wait to move in March. Hate this complex and I do not recommend anyone moving in them.

On top of all this crappiness, I slipped and hit my stomach on the concrete coming home today. I was trying to carry some bags in and slipped on the ice. I bangs my knees up and hit my stomach. My neighbor and her son were nice to help me. Vance didn't hear that I fell since he was in a hurry to leave for college tonight. So I'm waiting on him to get home so I can go in to get checked out. I've felt the baby 3 times in the last 3hrs, suppose to feel him at least 10 according to my midwife. So going to go make sure he's ok. I think he's ok, and just sleeping but want to be safe.

This week has not been the greatest and I'm not in the best of moods at the moment. I'm trying not to let things bring me down but having a hard time not to. I actually just want to lay on the couch and cry til Vance gets home. My body aches, and I feel like crap. Matter of fact thats what I'm going to go do, I think I'll feel a little better.

At least I have Krystle coming in from Texas to see me for a week. So this week shouldn't be as shitty with her here. :o)

Bubble Bath

2009-01-04T18:14:00.002-07:00

Caleb playing with his toys

Splashing in the tub

He was yelling bubbles and popping them

Bryce not wanting his pic tooken.

Hehe took some pictures of the boys playing in the tub tonight. Caleb's fave new word is bubbles, have him on video popping the bubbles screaming bubbles. Since these can only be seen by friends and family I can post pics of them playing. :o) Embarrassing pictures for when they are teens and get girlfriends.

Snow

2009-01-04T17:12:00.004-07:00

Miss Panda

Bryce after his haircut

They took all his curls away, not use to Caleb's having short hair.

He looks like his big brother now

Pictures of the snow today on Jan. 4, 2009

You can see it falling in this picture.

For everyone in Texas, here is pictures of the snow from today. Be jealous, lol. Even though I rather be in ga, sweating right now. Not big on snow really. Its pretty, but way to cold for me. Vance took these pictures a few minutes ago, while him and Bryce went walking around in it. Caleb is a little mad that he couldn't go outside, he's sick and don't want him to get worse. Hope everyone enjoys the pics.

Oh I'm also adding pictures of the boys with their new haircuts, and pictures of our puppy Panda.

Venting...

2009-01-02T21:10:00.002-07:00

You know whats really annoying, the fact that people keep thinking I would be mad or jealous that I'm not having a girl. My sis Jean is having a girl, so some family and friends assume that I'm crushed and disappointed that I'm having another little boy. When in fact I'm not. I'm happy for my sis, and am happy that we're having another little boy. I'm happy no matter what the baby is, as long as he/she is healthy. Sure I'll never have a daughter since this is our last baby but I'll have a niece to spoil and send home to my sister. Which works for me. :o)

As for having another baby, as much as we would love to add on years later. I'm just to high risk to carry another baby to term. To many problems come up, and my body does not do well at all in labor. So not going to risk it after Aiden arrives. Yes Vance is getting a vasectomy, NO I DID NOT PUSH HIM TO DO IT! He wanted to do it, he thought it was only fair since I gave birth to our kids. If you don't like that he's getting fixed and not me, then get the over it. Its non of you business anyways!

Just wish people would drop it and quit making little comments, its annoying. No I'm not mad or jealous of Jean. I'm happy for her, and can't wait to meet my niece. I'm excited about having another little boy. Ready for him to arrive in the next few weeks so our little family can be complete.

Ok I feel better now that I got to vent a little on here. Now off to make cookies, because its sounds good right now!

Dear Aiden

2009-01-02T19:05:00.005-07:00

Dear Aiden,
I know your running out of room right now in your nice squishy home. But I need you to please quit making my ankles swell and giving me contractions from just doing house work. Also if you could be so nice as to roll into a different position I would appreciate it. Preferably the head down position and drop so that I can breath better. It would be nice to not feel like my lungs are heavy or my bladder is full when its not. If you could also quit giving mommy heart burn/acid indigestion from water that would be wonderful. We're very anxious to meet you and welcome you into the world, though we need to wait a little longer. In the mean time if you could just be patient, and help mommy not be sore that would be wonderful.

Also I'll try really hard to keep your big brothers from smushing you and shaking you up when they want to see you kick. They are just ready to meet you and for mommy to not be so tired anymore. Only a few more weeks and everyone will be happy. Love you my little peanut and can not wait to meet you in a few more weeks.

Love,

Mommy

Happy New Year

2009-01-01T12:32:00.002-07:00

Happy New Year Everyone!

Can't believe its already 2009. A new year, with new beginnings. I'm looking forward to this year. We will meet our last baby, in a few more weeks. Which I'm very excited, nervous about. Vance has finally moved his desk and computer to the living room. So now I can start buying and working on Aiden's room. On the 15, we'll be using most of his check then, to get his room together. Be 32 weeks this Saturday, not to much longer til he's here.

Also looking forward to the boys birthdays this year. They're growing up so fast, Bryce will be 4 and Caleb will be 2. Caleb is talking alot now, he follows me around coping everything I say. Bryce will be starting school this fall. He's looking forward to going to Pre-K. Plus he's looking forward to getting out of the house for a few hrs a day at school. Hopefully it will help so he doesn't get so annoyed with Caleb anymore. They seem to bump heads all the time over toys, cartoons, everything.

In April we will have been in Colorado for 1 yr. Vance's shore duty seems to be going by fast. Its been interesting getting use to him being home all year long. Usually he's already gone out to sea twice. Its been nice having him home though, and his scheldule isn't that bad. 6 days on, 4 days off. Its actually pretty nice, he's home more to help out with the kids. Plus we don't fight as much since he sees what I had to do on my own with them while he was out to sea all those times.

We plan on getting out of all the debt we fell into since selling the house. It took us 6 grand to sell that house, which caused us to fall behind on credit card bills, and other things. Its been a long rough year, but we're looking forward to working on getting out debt throughout this year. Things are still pretty tight but it should start to look up in the next few months. With extra money Vance is getting a month, plus tax refund will be helping out too.

Also after I have Aiden and have healed, Vance and I are going to start working out and getting into shape together. He wants to get all buffed up again, me I just want to lose the 4yrs of baby fat I have gained from having all the kids. Plus I want to be healthy for me and the kids. I know it won't be easy since we're talking I would need to lose about 40 -50 lbs. I wish it would all come off over night, but I'm ready for the months it will take. So wish me luck on getting back into pre-pregnancy weight.

Other then that there isn't really anything else to write on here. Everyone is doing good, so going to get off here.

Christmas Pics

2008-12-27T19:29:00.005-07:00

Just wanted to post pictures of the boys from Christmas morning, for relatives who have been waiting for them. Sorry its tooken me so long to do it, things here have been crazy. Lucy is not with us anymore, and most her pups are gone as well. Lucy is at the humane society waiting to be seen by the vet they use monday. From there hopefully its not to late to help her get better, if not she will be put down so she's not in pain anymore. 6 of her pups are in foster care, since I couldn't afford the formula for all of them. I still have Oreo and Panda with us. They are actually starting to eat puppy food now, we still have to mix some formula with it. But they seem to have put weight on and are doing good. Nice plumpy puppies. Bryce and Vance are attached to them, they roll around all morning playing with the pups. Bryce still asks why Lucy had to go to the dr, and why she couldn't stay here. We tried to explain to him why she had to go away to get better, but he still forgets and asks the next day.

The boys both have had a really bad case of the runs and a fever. So thats been fun to deal with the last 48hrs, very pissy kids at the moment. Poor Bryce had it the worse on Christmas day, but he still tried to enjoy everything and play with his presents. Other then the boys not feeling good, we've been enjoying Vance's time off. Its been nice having him home this last week. He had to work tonight, but will be off til the 1st after tonight. Not bad, all in all he will have been off 12 days.

Well I need to get off here, have some stuff to do before bed. Hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas!!!

Lucy

2008-12-22T14:20:00.003-07:00

Panda, she looks like her mommy. We're going to keep her.

Lucy with her newborn puppies.

Vance with Lucy the day we took her in.

Lucy's first car ride, she loves to ride in the car.

So we came to a decision today about Lucy. Going to give her up to the Humane Society. The vet she goes to says her condition is getting worse, the she might not even live thru the treatment. The humane society says they will give her a fighting chance if I surrender her, and if they can't help her. She will be put down, so she's not in pain or miserable anymore. Making this choice was hard for me, been thinking about it for a week now, trying to figure out what she needed the most right now. We're holding on to her in til the puppies are able to live with just puppy food, plus gives me more time before I have to say goodbye to her. I've been crying all day, and know I'm going to start crying some more when we give her up. I know its the right thing to do but so hard to do. I've only had her in my life since Oct but feel like she's been here forever. She's such a sweetheart, and is so good with the boys. They love playing with her when she feels up to it. Bryce calls her Lucy Goosey, thats his name for her. We're probably going to keep one of her pups. Going to keep Panda, she looks just like her mommy. Right now we're just going to enjoy the little time we have left til we give her up.

I'm not looking forward to saying goodbye to Lucy at all. I feel so horrible that it comes down to this. But want the best for her. Hoping they can help her get healthy again, if not at least I know they won't let her suffer in pain or anything.

Guess I'm going to close this entry here, need to stop crying and get the house cleaned up.